We all arrive at turning points in life, places of transition that require us to step into the darkness of the
unknown. Within these periods of change, we often become anxious and fearful. Some common major
life transitions for adults include becoming a parent, developing a medical illness, retirement, divorce, and
becoming an empty-nester, just to name a few. Transitions have a common golden thread – facing an
unknown future after building comfort in a routine lifestyle. As intimidating as change may be, it remains
inevitable and our approach to these transitions dictates our level of difficulty within the experience. Along
the golden thread lies reactions to change like denial of reality, fighting the inevitable, and liberation
through embracing change.

Denial of Reality
Avoiding the reality of a life event and refusing to acknowledge that an adjustment is necessary only
serves to prolong the healing process. In raging against the truth of a new reality, we lie to ourselves to
justify the avoidance of change. In the words of journalist Nikki Rosen, “No denial of the truth will ever
invalidate it (Rosen, 2013).”

Fighting the Inevitable
Often, we become angry when life forces change upon us. No longer denying the reality of the situation,
we focus on the perception of unfairness. During such a reaction, we may appear angry or bitter to those
we encounter in daily life, and it may begin to affect our relationships. Anger is a secondary emotion that
frequently erupts from a place of fear, helplessness, or shame.

We can embrace change by accepting the losses of the life we once knew and acknowledging the need
to move forward. According to Thomas & Wang (2022), acceptance of the situation allows us a sense of
freedom from attempting to control circumstances that we are powerless to change. In the words of C.S.
Lewis, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the
ending (Alaili, 2021).” This perspective provides us with a new vantage point, a place in which to witness
future possibilities.
Life’s transitions can be difficult and traveling the path of change is rarely easy. If you find yourself in a
period of change that is difficult to brave alone, a mental health professional can provide the guidance
you need for liberation through embracing change.

​
by Vicki Howe, LCMHC, LCAS, 12/1/2022

References
Alaili, A. (2021, January 2). You Can’t Go Back & Change the Beginning. Retrieved from Entrepreneur

Post: https://www.entrepreneurpost.com/2021/01/02/you-cant-go-back-and-change-the-
beginning-but-you-can-start-where-you-are-and-change-the-ending-c-s-lewis/

Rosen, N. (2013). In the Eye of Deception: A True Story. E-book, self-published for Kindle.
Thomas, I. S., & Wang, J. (2022). What Makes Us Human: an Artificial Intelligence answers life's biggest
questions. Boulder: Sounds True.

​Thoughts can benefit us, such as when we think through a problem or are making a grocery list. But what happens when thoughts are unhelpful? Even more, what happens when thoughts are causing harm and we aren't even aware? There are several common thinking errors that once recognized and adapted with a few simple tricks, can lead to a more enriched and mindful awareness of self and surroundings. In addition, acknowledging and adjusting thinking errors can lead to healthier relationships with others. Some of the most common thinking errors are all or nothing thinking, catastrophizing, personalization, mind reading, negative filtering, and overgeneralization. Let's take a deeper look at those pesky thoughts and identify some healthier ways to think.

#PositivePsychology #WellnessJourney #PositiveOutlook #MentalHealthSupport #PositiveThoughts #MindsetShift #CopingStrategies #MentalHealthAwareness #MindfulnessMatters #ThoughtPatterns #HealthyThinking #MindfulLife #MindfulnessPractice #MindfulThinking #ThoughtAwareness #MentalWellbeing #CognitiveDistortions #PositiveMindset #PositiveThoughts #PositiveThinking #MentalHealthSupport #SelfAwareness
Black & White Thinking
Also referred to as black and white thinking, all or nothing thinking is when someone thinks in
extremes. For example, when meeting your in-laws for the first time you think if they don't love
everything about you they are going to hate you. Someone who struggles with all or nothing thinking
tends to place an unhealthy level of standards on themselves and struggles to be satisfied. A common
technique to adapt this type of thinking error is to identify the middle of both extremes of thoughts and
adopt that.

Catastrophizing
Catastrophizing thoughts create a type of snowball effect in the form of a series of false assumptions.
For example, if you fail a test you think you will fail the class. If you fail the class you wont be able to go
to college. If you don't go to college then you wont get a job and will be homeless for the rest of your life.
As you can see, someone who struggles with catastrophizing thoughts may, for example, think that failing
a test will result in them being homeless for the rest of their life. Someone who struggles with this
thinking error may result in a constant worry something bad will happen. In order to correct this type of
thinking error, one should focus on the actual event and facts.

Personalization
Another common thinking error is personalization. Personalization is when one thinks they are the
cause of a problem that has no logical or factual reasoning to support that thought. For example, you
believe your co-workers are fighting because something you did, when there is no direct reasoning their
argument is caused by you. For this type of thinking error to be corrected it is important to consider the
lack of facts in relation to the role that is believed to have been played.

Mind Reading
Mind reading when you think you know what others are thinking and believing based on
assumptions not as facts. For example, your significant other didn't message you on his lunch break so he
must be mad at you. To adapt this type of thinking from one of harm to one that is healthy, it is important
to identify facts versus assumptions.

Negative Filtering
Negative filtering is just what it sounds like. This type of thinking error occurs when someone
only takes the negative out of a situation versus being able to see both negatives and positives. For
example, consider someone provides 5 compliments and mentions 1 area for improvement. A person with
negative filtering disregards the 5 complements and focuses on the one criticism. Someone who struggles
with this thinking error could feel depressed or angry more often than not. For this type of thinking error
to be adjusted, one should take a look at the information opposite to their viewpoint and attempt to move
to a more balanced outlook.

Overgeneralization
Overgeneralization is when you make a broad assumption based one one specific situation and
apply it to varying other situations. For example, you had a bad first day at work which means you will
always hate your job. Someone who struggles with this thinking error may struggle learning new things.
Paying attention for words like always or never, also known as broad generalized words, are the trick to
catching these type of thinking errors. To adapt overgeneralized thoughts to more healthy thoughts, it is
important to focus on the details of the situation.

As you can see, there are many different types of thoughts, some we may not even be aware of.
Fortunately. there are many methods to learning how to develop healthy thinking patterns with just a few
adjustments. The first step to a healthier relationship with your thoughts and with others is recognizing
your own personal thinking errors. If you find it is difficult identifying your own thinking errors or ways
to develop healthy alternative thinking patterns, it may be helpful to speak with a professional to help
guide you thorough the process.

by Jessica Whittington, LCSW

#ThoughtPatterns #HealthyThinking #Mindfulness #PositiveThinking #CognitiveDistortions #ThoughtAwareness #MindfulLiving #MentalWellness #MentalHealth #ThoughtErrors #MindfulnessPractice #ThoughtAwareness #PositiveMindset #SelfAwareness #MentalHealthAwareness #PositivePsychology #WellnessJourney #PositiveOutlook #MentalHealthSupport #PositiveThoughts #MindsetShift #CopingStrategies #MentalHealthAwareness #MindfulnessMatters #ThoughtPatterns #HealthyThinking #MindfulLife #MindfulnessPractice #MindfulThinking #ThoughtAwareness #MentalWellbeing #CognitiveDistortions #PositiveMindset #PositiveThoughts #PositiveThinking #MentalHealthSupport #SelfAwareness ​

Emerging adulthood seems to be a new stage of development.  Young people between the ages of 18 and the late 20’s are living at home in increasing numbers.  This phenomenon is interesting and disconcerting. “In short, young people are taking longer to start acting like adults.  Are they being lazy?”  Feldman (2014, p.451).Who knows whether this will be helpful or harmful in their development.  It is important that aspiring counselors become familiar with this new trend in order to effectively deal with clients who fall into this category.  
    It appears that young people who have left their homes, are living independently, and are flourishing.  Meanwhile, there are those still living at home who are floundering.  Independent young adults who are flourishing have positive attitudes, relationships, and religious beliefs.  Those who are floundering tend to be shy, anxious, depressed, and have lower self-worth.  They also tend to drink heavily, use other drugs, engage in risky sexual behaviors, and have lower quality relationships.  
Emerging adulthood is a state in between adolescence and adulthood.  It is a time when young people have to think about taking on adult responsibilities, and give up heavy drinking, risky sex, constantly playing video games, and porn.  Nelson and Padilla-Walker, (2013), conducted a study based on behavior of young adults living independently, semi-independently, and those still at home.  Their study subjects were “481 undergraduate students ages 18-26, 75 percent European-American, 3 percent Afro-American, 12 percent Asian, and 11 percent biracial.”  (p. 68).  All participants completed a battery of surveys that included subjects such as religious faith, prosocial behaviors, depression, anxiety, etc.  Based upon their answers the participants were organized into three groups–well adjusted, externalizers, and poorly adjusted.  The well-adjusted group results showed positive attitudes, high self-esteem, spirituality, and avoidance of risky behavior.  The externalizers-28 percent, drank heavily, used other drugs, were depressed, anxious, refused to grow up, played video games, and viewed pornography.  The poorly adjusted 8 percent, challenged adult authority, drank heavily, used other drugs, were depressed and anxious.  Of all of the participants 80 percent of the females were well adjusted, Males made up 83 percent of the externalizers, and 77 percent of the poorly adjusted.  The last two figures represent 70 percent of all participants.  The study shows a significant difference between genders.  This means that while men struggle through this period, females flourish, but run away from the risky behaviors young people like to do.  
    What motivates young people to stay at home?  Kins, Beyers, Soenens, and Vansteenkiste (2009), conducted a study to find out.  “The participants were 224 Belgian adults (mean age 22 years, ten months) and were 52 percent male and 48 percent female.”  (p. 1419).  Questionnaires were administered to all participants.  Questions addressed living conditions, subjective well-being, motivation, etc.  The participants included young adults who stayed at home and semi-autonomous young adults.  The semi-autonomous young adults were those who were college students.  The results indicated the young adults stayed at home for their own well-being and that the parents allowed it as long as there was harmony in the family.  Some of the parents were very controlling and used manipulative measures to keep the youth at home.  The study reported that the young adult would leave if she/he thought they were becoming a financial hardship for their parents. 
    If you or your family find yourselves caught up in the dilemma of failure to launch, please call Inner Source Therapy at 252-571-6508.  We will happily provide help and guidance for you in your time of need.

by Ronald Blanchard, LCMHC, LCAS

Emotions are energy.  In fact, everything is energy.  Energy can be measured in frequency and amplitude, meaning waves.  The higher the frequency, the more energy, the higher the amplitude the more energy.  One easy way to understand this at an intuitive level is through sound.  Think of the harmony or discord of sound.  When we hear music, the frequency and wavelengths are in harmony.  When we hear noise, especially irritating noise, we are detecting chaos in the sound waves, discord, which is the opposite of harmony.  This translates to any form of energy including emotional energy. When you feel sad you likely feel a sense of heaviness.  When you feel joy your body feels lighter.  

If you want to increase your emotional IQ, you need to tune more into your body, and less into your thoughts.  Paying attention to the emotional energy in your body and becoming familiar with what it is telling you can change your life.  This is the key to healing and connecting with your truest self.  Living life at its fullest requires authenticity.  When you are connected with your truest self, who you were meant to be, you find resonance with the world around you.  People will begin showing up who enhance your energy, support you and coincide with your values.  You will find interest and a sense of awe in the things that are meant for you, which will in turn bring you joy.  This is the very foundation of harmony.

Tuning into your body’s emotional energy is similar to listening to music.  We all can understand the difference between a sad melody and an upbeat melody.  There are differences in the key, the rhythm, the tempo and timing to name a few.  Our bodies have rhythms as well.  For example, think of your breathing.  When you are filled with fear your breathing may become short staccato breaths, whereas when you are relaxed your breaths will be longer, slower and deeper.  Your heart has a rhythm.  Your heart beat will increase with certain emotions, or decrease with others.  Your sleeping and eating patterns also have a rhythm. The goal is to become finely tuned with your rhythms and acutely aware of what your emotional energy is telling you.

When you are in sync with your natural body’s emotional energy, in other words, when there are no blocks to keep you from tuning in, you will be in the optimal state of harmony, which is the optimal state of healing and growth.  Our human challenge is to remain in tune with our emotional energy, or our highest self.  Our bodies hold great wisdom and we know at a deep level that emotions are our highest guidance system. The blocks to tuning into our emotional energy are the rules of the protective brain that we learn through life experiences.

We need to know the difference between emotional energy and ego energy, which is written by the protective brain.  One is natural and the other is learned.  Throughout our life, since birth, our brain maps out our world.  It tells us what is safe and what is dangerous.  Sometimes the rules it stores for us become outdated, but still contain false cognitions.  The false cognitions say things like, ‘I’m in the way’, or ‘I’m a burden’, or ‘My needs don’t matter’.  These were set up to protect us from perceived worse experiences.  They are stored in the body as discomfort.  We need to pay attention to these discomforts as well if we are to increase our emotional awareness.  These are the blocks that keep us from feeling our truest emotions because they also contain the ‘shoulds and shouldn’ts’, which get in the way.  Identifying these blocks and breaking them down is the key to healing because once they are gone, we can truly connect with our highest guidance system, our emotional energy.  

by Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS