Transition and the Fear of Change

We all arrive at turning points in life, places of transition that require us to step into the darkness of the
unknown. Within these periods of change, we often become anxious and fearful. Some common major
life transitions for adults include becoming a parent, developing a medical illness, retirement, divorce, and
becoming an empty-nester, just to name a few. Transitions have a common golden thread – facing an
unknown future after building comfort in a routine lifestyle. As intimidating as change may be, it remains
inevitable and our approach to these transitions dictates our level of difficulty within the experience. Along
the golden thread lies reactions to change like denial of reality, fighting the inevitable, and liberation
through embracing change.

Denial of Reality
Avoiding the reality of a life event and refusing to acknowledge that an adjustment is necessary only
serves to prolong the healing process. In raging against the truth of a new reality, we lie to ourselves to
justify the avoidance of change. In the words of journalist Nikki Rosen, “No denial of the truth will ever
invalidate it (Rosen, 2013).”

Fighting the Inevitable
Often, we become angry when life forces change upon us. No longer denying the reality of the situation,
we focus on the perception of unfairness. During such a reaction, we may appear angry or bitter to those
we encounter in daily life, and it may begin to affect our relationships. Anger is a secondary emotion that
frequently erupts from a place of fear, helplessness, or shame.

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Embracing Change

We can embrace change by accepting the losses of the life we once knew and acknowledging the need
to move forward. According to Thomas & Wang (2022), acceptance of the situation allows us a sense of
freedom from attempting to control circumstances that we are powerless to change. In the words of C.S.
Lewis, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the
ending (Alaili, 2021).” This perspective provides us with a new vantage point, a place in which to witness
future possibilities.
Life’s transitions can be difficult and traveling the path of change is rarely easy. If you find yourself in a
period of change that is difficult to brave alone, a mental health professional can provide the guidance
you need for liberation through embracing change.

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by Vicki Howe, LCMHC, LCAS, 12/1/2022

References
Alaili, A. (2021, January 2). You Can’t Go Back & Change the Beginning. Retrieved from Entrepreneur

Post: https://www.entrepreneurpost.com/2021/01/02/you-cant-go-back-and-change-the-
beginning-but-you-can-start-where-you-are-and-change-the-ending-c-s-lewis/

Rosen, N. (2013). In the Eye of Deception: A True Story. E-book, self-published for Kindle.
Thomas, I. S., & Wang, J. (2022). What Makes Us Human: an Artificial Intelligence answers life's biggest
questions. Boulder: Sounds True.

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