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Welcome to our blog.

The Toxic Cycle: Fluctuating between Good and Horrible

5/26/2025

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Many people find themselves feeling trapped in relationships that oscillate between intoxicating highs and devastating lows, like a rollercoaster ride that leaves them constantly on edge and confused. This perilous dynamic is rooted in intermittent reinforcement and the cycle of abuse, a potent combination that forms the basis of a trauma bond.

Intermittent reinforcement is a psychological principle that is often used in animal training, where a behavior is rewarded only occasionally, rather than consistently. This strategy actually strengthens the conditioned response, which causes the animal to think it has to work harder for the reward. When applied to relationships, intermittent reinforcement can create a very powerful, addictive bond. This is because someone being manipulated is constantly seeking the euphoria of the "good times."

The Cycle of Abuse and Trauma Bonds
In a toxic relationship, the cycle of abuse usually begins with an intense, seemingly perfect period, where the abuser showers their partner with love, attention, and affection. This idyllic phase is later abruptly shattered by an incident of emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. The abuser then begins the reconstruction phase in order to bring the target of their manipulation back in. They do things like act nice, charming, and make empty promises to change, only to repeat the cycle once again. Over time, this pattern fosters a trauma bond, where the victim becomes emotionally dependent on their abuser. This is by design. The abuser wants that dependency. 

Manipulators Know What They're Doing
Remember that these extreme fluctuations are not accidental. Manipulators are well-aware of the psychological impact of intermittent reinforcement and use it intentionally to keep their partners trapped in the relationship. By alternating between cruelty and kindness, they create an addictive dynamic, making it difficult for their partner to escape. The last thing they actually want is for their partner to leave or escape their control. But cutting those ties is the healthiest thing the trapped partner can do. 

Leaving a toxic relationship is challenging yet one of the most transformative experiences you will have. While it's natural to mourn the "good times," so you will need to allow space for that. Recognize that the relationship as a whole was damaging and unsustainable, even if there were so-called ‘good times’. No bonded relationship is without good times.  There would be no bond without moments of pleasure. By breaking free, you open yourself up to the possibility of healthier connections, built on mutual respect, trust, and stability. Moreover, distancing yourself from the abuser allows you to reconnect with your authentic self, cultivate resilience, and pursue a life filled with genuine love and happiness.

Relationships characterized by extreme highs and lows are inherently dangerous. They rely on intermittent reinforcement and the cycle of abuse to create a powerful trauma bond. By understanding these dynamics and seeking support, you can escape the toxic cycle and embrace a future defined by personal growth, self-discovery, and fulfilling, healthy relationships.

By Deborah Ashway, LCMHCS, LCAS


#toxicrelationships #intermittentreinforcement #cycleofabuse #traumabond #emotionalmanipulation #relationshipredflags #breakfree #authenticself #healthyconnections #selfgrowth





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Inner Child Healing: A Pathway to Emotional Freedom and Well-Being

5/20/2025

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Have you ever noticed how experiences from our childhood can continue to impact our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors well into adulthood? The term “inner child” represents the childlike aspects of our personality, encompassing our unmet needs growing up, suppressed emotions, and wounded childhood experiences. By healing our inner child, we can cultivate emotional freedom, self-acceptance, self-compassion, and overall well-being.


Understanding Your Inner Child
Your inner child is a vital part of your psyche that carries the emotional parts of your early life
experiences. These experiences can manifest in various ways throughout adulthood, influencing
our relationships, self-esteem, perception of the world, how we are as parents, and more.
Acknowledging and understanding your inner child is the first step in the healing process.

Identifying Unmet Needs
Identifying your inner child's unmet needs and suppressed emotions can help you begin the
healing journey. Common unmet needs may include:
  • Love and nurturing
  • Validation and acceptance
  • Safety and security
  • Emotional expression
  • Playfulness and creativity

Healing Techniques for Your Inner Child
  • Connect with Your Inner Child: Spend time reflecting on your childhood experiences and the emotions they evoke. Journaling, meditation, or creating art can help you connect with your inner child.
  • Validate Your Emotions: Allow yourself to feel and express suppressed emotions without judgment. Label that emotion and notice how your body is experiencing that feeling. Remember, your feelings are valid and essential for healing. Feeling is healing.
  • Practice Self-Compassion: Treat your inner child with kindness, love, and empathy. Embrace the vulnerability of your inner child and prioritize their needs.
  • Inner Child Visualization: Visualize yourself as a child and engage in a compassionate dialogue with your inner child. Offer them the love, support, and reassurance they needed during difficult times.
  • Create a Safe Space: Cultivate a safe and nurturing environment for your inner child to heal and grow. This could involve establishing healthy boundaries with others, practicing self-care, or engaging in creative activities that bring you joy. Allow yourself to experience the good.
  • Seek Professional Support: Working with a therapist or counselor can provide valuable guidance and support as you navigate your inner child healing journey.

Healing your inner child is an ongoing process that requires patience, self-compassion, and
courage. It’s easy to recognize the ways we have been wounded or the way our needs were
neglected. By connecting with our inner child, validating their emotions, and providing a safe
space for healing, we can foster emotional freedom and well-being in our adult lives. Remember,
It's never too late to give your inner child the love and care they deserve.

By Brooklyn Davis, LCMHC, LCAS

#innerchildhealing #emotionalhealing #selflove #reparenting #wellness #traumarecovery #personalgrowth #mentalhealth #innerpeace #selfcare

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Digital Detoxing for Mental Clarity

5/7/2025

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PictureDigital Addiction
In today's world, technology plays a significant role in our daily lives, influencing aspects such as work, education, entertainment, and communication. While technology provides convenience and efficiency, it can also contribute to information overload and noise that may negatively impact our mental health. This article delves into the concept of digital detoxing and discusses its benefits for achieving mental clarity.

Digital detoxing is the conscious decision to disconnect from digital devices and technology for a predetermined period. Its primary objective is to foster a healthier relationship with technology while focusing on real-life social interactions, self-reflection, and other activities that promote mental well-being.

Digital detoxing offers several benefits, including improved mental health. By reducing screen time and stepping away from the constant stream of information, individuals can experience lower levels of stress, anxiety, and feelings of overwhelm. This leads to enhanced mental well-being, better sleep quality, and strengthened relationships as people engage in face-to-face interactions and cultivate deeper connections with loved ones.
To engage in a successful digital detox, follow these steps:
Establish specific times during the day when you will disconnect from technology, starting with shorter periods and gradually increasing the duration as you become more comfortable. Plan alternative activities, like reading, exercising, or spending time with friends and family, to fill your detox time. Communicate your intentions to others to secure their support and ensure they respect your technology-free time. After completing a digital detox, reflect on your experience and consider adjusting your technology usage to maintain its benefits in daily life.
In conclusion, digital detoxing is an opportunity to disconnect from technology and reconnect with oneself and others, leading to improved mental clarity, productivity, and overall well-being. Remember that digital detoxing does not have to be an all-or-nothing approach—even small, consistent steps toward a healthier relationship with technology can make a significant impact.

By
Tandy Hale, LCMHC, ATR-BC,​NCC

#DigitalDetox #Wellness #Mindfulness #Unplugged #HealthyHabits #SelfCare #LifeBalance




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Embracing the Journey: The Beauty in What Doesn’t Last

4/28/2025

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Some mornings don’t come easy. The world feels quiet but heavy, and even the simplest routines feel like uphill work.

And yet, somewhere in that resistance between
brushing your teeth and noticing the light through the blinds, there’s an invitation. It whispers, What if this, too, is part of the journey?

In therapy and in life, it can be easy to think we’re moving toward a single destination—peace, happiness, or clarity—as if once we arrive, the struggle will fall away. But healing is not a straight line. It's not a formula. It’s a relationship with yourself that deepens over time, especially when you show up on the days you’d rather stay hidden.

​This process, often called psychological flexibility, is at the heart of lasting mental
health. It refers to our ability to stay present and open to our internal experiences, even the uncomfortable ones, while still taking action aligned with our values (Kashdan &
Rottenberg, 2010, p. 866). That means allowing sadness to exist without immediately
needing to fix it. It means noticing anxiety without letting it run the show. It means trusting
that even confusion or fear might be part of something unfolding in you—something wise, something real.
​
The challenge is that our culture often treats happiness as the end goal, something to chase, hold, and preserve. But happiness, like all emotions, is fleeting. And that is exactly what makes it beautiful. Its impermanence reminds us that life moves. Emotions shift. Meaning is made not by capturing perfection, but by learning how to be in each moment
fully.

In Japanese philosophy, there’s a concept called Wabi-Sabi, the appreciation of what is imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. It reminds us that beauty doesn’t live in
flawless moments but in the cracked ones we choose to keep living through. Healing, too, is not about erasing the past but honoring the golden seams we form when we grow through it. Much like the art of kintsugi, where broken pottery is repaired with gold, our own emotional fractures can become a source of deeper strength and meaning—not something to hide, but something to revere.

As Viktor Frankl once noted, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” (Frankl, 1985, p. 112). But change does not mean becoming someone else. It means returning to the self you may have had to hide. It means honoring your own pace. Healing is less about becoming new and more about becoming honest. This honesty, this willingness to be with what is, doesn’t mean we let pain run wild. It means we befriend it so it no longer has to roar to be heard. In fact, research on self-
Compassion shows that those who learn to meet their struggles with kindness, not criticism, experience less anxiety and depression and greater emotional resilience (Neff, 2003, p. 226).

So if this morning felt hard, or messy, or just quiet in a way that made you ache a little good. That’s not failure. That’s aliveness. That’s a nervous system trying to relearn safety. That’s a heart making room for something unfamiliar. That’s growth you may not see yet. Healing, after all, is not always a feeling. Sometimes it’s a decision: to show up again, to keep walking, to stay gentle. Because happiness isn’t the goal. Being here, now, is.

by Dr. Elvin Peace

References
 Frankl, V. E. (1985). *Man’s search for meaning* (Rev. ed.). Washington Square Press.
https://archive.org/details/manssearchformea00fran_0
 Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect
of health. *Clinical Psychology Review, 30*(7), 865–878.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.001
 Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-
compassion. *Self and Identity, 2*(3), 223–250. https://self-compassion.org/wp-
content/uploads/2015/06/Neff2003.pdf

#embracethejourney #lifeisbeautiful #mindfulness #personalgrowth #transience #acceptance #livinginthemoment

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How to Find the Right Therapist for You: A Guide for Clients

4/14/2025

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Finding the right therapist can be a deeply personal and vulnerable journey, and it’s one that plays a crucial role in the success of your mental health and overall well-being. Whether you're navigating anxiety, depression, trauma, or simply looking for guidance through life’s challenges, the therapist you choose can significantly impact the progress you make. In this post, we’ll help guide you through the process of selecting the right therapist, so you can feel confident in your decision and begin the path toward healing and self-discovery.
Understand Your Needs and PreferencesThe first step in choosing the right therapist is to have a clear understanding of what you're looking for. Ask yourself: What are the challenges you’re hoping to address? What would you like to accomplish or overcome? Are you seeking therapy for something specific like relationship issues, childhood trauma, or work-related stress? Some individuals need help managing day-to-day emotions, while others may require more specialized support for mental health conditions such as OCD or PTSD. Knowing your needs will help you narrow down the options, so you're not overwhelmed by the many types of therapy available.
Another important factor to consider is your preferences around the therapist's approach and style. Do you feel more comfortable with someone who offers a structured, solution-focused approach, or would you prefer a therapist who uses a more conversational, empathetic method? Take note of the things that matter most to you—whether it's gender, age, cultural background, or language—and factor them into your decision.
Consider the Therapist’s Credentials and SpecializationsTherapists come with a variety of qualifications, and it’s important to ensure they have the right credentials to meet your needs. In most cases, a licensed therapist will have a degree in psychology, social work, or counseling, and may hold certifications in specific therapeutic techniques. These can include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), depending on what you're looking to focus on in therapy.
Additionally, therapists often specialize in certain areas. For example, some may be more experienced in helping with anxiety and depression, while others may specialize in family therapy, addiction recovery, or trauma. Make sure to check their areas of expertise to ensure they align with your goals.
Evaluate the Therapist’s Approach to TherapyEvery therapist has their own unique approach to therapy, and it's crucial that it resonates with you. Some therapists are more directive and structured, while others take a more collaborative or client-centered approach. This can influence the dynamics of your sessions and your comfort level with the process.
It can be helpful to inquire about their therapeutic style during your first consultation or introductory session. Do they take a more active role in guiding the conversation, or are they focused on listening and asking open-ended questions? Are they focused on providing specific tools and techniques, or do they prefer a more reflective, explorative approach? The answer to these questions can give you a sense of whether the therapist’s approach aligns with your needs and preferences.
Trust Your Gut and Assess the FitTherapy is most effective when you feel safe, heard, and understood. That means the relationship you build with your therapist is key. During your first few sessions, pay attention to how you feel. Do you feel comfortable opening up to them? Do they listen attentively and without judgment? Are you able to establish a sense of trust and rapport?
It’s natural to feel a little nervous in the beginning, but the right therapist will create a welcoming and supportive environment that helps ease any discomfort. If something feels off, or if you're not connecting with your therapist, it’s okay to seek someone else. Feeling understood and supported is essential to making meaningful progress.
Consider Availability and CostPractical considerations like availability, location, and cost are also important to keep in mind. Can the therapist accommodate your schedule, or do their office hours work well with yours? Are they conveniently located, or do they offer virtual sessions if you prefer that option?
When it comes to cost, therapy can be an investment, and it's important to find a therapist whose fees fit within your budget. Many therapists offer sliding scale fees based on income or accept insurance, so be sure to inquire about payment options upfront.
Commit to the ProcessOnce you’ve found a therapist that feels like a good fit, it’s time to commit to the process. Therapy is a journey, and while it can bring up challenging emotions, it’s an important step toward personal growth. Be open to the process and remember that building a strong therapeutic relationship takes time. As you work together, trust will grow, and you’ll have the opportunity to make meaningful changes in your life.
You’re Ready to BeginChoosing the right therapist for your needs is a personal decision that requires thoughtful consideration. By understanding your goals, evaluating credentials and approaches, and trusting your intuition, you can find a therapist who will guide you on your path to healing and self-discovery. If you’re ready to start the journey, don’t hesitate to reach out to a trusted therapist at our practice. We’re here to support you every step of the way!

Brooklyn Davis, LCMHCA, LCAS


#FindingTheRightTherapist #MentalWellness #TherapyJourney #TherapyTips #SelfCareMatters #HealingJourney #mentalhealth #therapy #therapistsearch #selfcare #healingjourney​

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