 Setting SMART goals is the key to achieving greatness. #GoalSetting #SMARTGoals #PersonalGrowth #AchievementUnlocked #PlanForSuccess #CalendarGoals #MotivationMonday Have you ever made a goal only to find yourself discouraged when that goal isn't reached? Too many times I have had people come to me and share feelings of hopelessness because they continue to fail reaching goals they have set. Setting goals without some basic knowledge of effective goal structure and direction can lead to continued failure at reaching goals. How can I develop a goal that is likely to provide effective results you might be wondering. Well, let me share with you a very simple acronym and structure that I use personally and in therapy sessions to support my my clients that has proven to be highly effective. The acronym is SMART which stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable/Achievable, Relevant, and Timely.
Specific When developing a goal, it is important for that goal to be defined in detail without unclear language. What is it you want to accomplish? Take time to identify the 5 W's. Identify who is involved in the goal. Where the goal will take place. Why the goal is being set into place. What the purpose and reason is for the goal. Identify which requirements are to be tied to the goal. Measurable Being able to put a measurement on a goal is essential so you can identify when the goal is accomplished. For example, being able to identify how much and how many of something can set a measurement to identify progress towards the goal. Tracking progress and measuring an outcome can allow for you to take steps in progress of the goal or know if you are getting off track. Attainable/Achievable For a goal to be attainable it is important to question if the goal can realistically be accomplished. How can the goal be accomplished? Making sure the goal is not out of reach is the key to this step. Relevant Consider if the goal is worth your time and effort. Is the goal going to meet your needs? If you have set in place other goals, does this goal work along with those goals? Consider short term and long term plans and if the goal will conflict or work with those plans. Timely Identifying a time limit to goal completion is an additional area to determine. When will you complete this goal? Will it be a day, a month, a year? This step supports urgency if needed and prompts better time management. Many times, it isn't a lack of willpower or determination, but instead a lack of clinical structure to the goal itself leading to inability to reach a goal. Using the SMART goals structure helps set clear objectives without being confusing or vague. It's straightforward and easy to use after a little practice. Sometimes having professional support is helpful to guide through setting goals with this framework the first couple times or when working towards several goals at once. Whether it is a Monday, approaching a New Year, a birthday, or any regular day, setting goals is important to better self and your life around you. Happy goal setting! By Jessica Whittington, LCSW #GoalSetting #SMARTGoals #EffectiveGoals #AchieveSuccess #GoalStructure #MotivationMonday #NewYearNewGoals #GoalDriven #GoalAchievement #SelfImprovement #PersonalGrowth #TherapyGoals #SuccessMindset #PositiveChanges #GoalOriented #SMARTAcronym #GoalStrategies #ProgressNotPerfection #AchieveYourDreams #LifeGoals #TherapySupport #EmpowerYourself #GoalPlanning #MindfulGoals #GoalSettingTips
0 Comments
 Why do so many people have difficulty saying no? Sometimes it goes back to our original programming from early development. Where did you learn that saying no would cause someone to feel bad and react negatively? So many people are programmed to associate setting boundaries with negative consequences. Do you ever get that sinking feeling when you have to tell someone the word ‘no’ that you’re going to end up feeling worse? Maybe you try to candy coat it ahead of time, or come up with excuses rather than just saying, ‘No thank you’, or ‘I’m not interested’. Saying the word ‘No’ often involves letting others down, causing disappointment and ultimately feeling bad about yourself for having ‘caused their negative reaction’. This is in quotes because that is the fallacy of it. You having boundaries is not the cause of their negative reaction. Their negative reaction is because they don’t like boundaries.
Saying no can be difficult and uncomfortable. We often feel guilty or obligated to say yes, even when we don’t want to. This is due to years of conditioning and brainwashing that have been ingrained in the neuro pathways and nervous system. We've been taught that saying no is wrong or selfish, so we feel bad when we do it. However, it's important to learn how to say no without feeling bad. Learning how to set boundaries and stand up for ourselves can help us avoid manipulation and guilt-tripping from others. Let’s look at the importance of saying no without feeling bad and explore ways to do it effectively. Our brains map out the world around us at warp speed in the developmental years. It identifies pros and cons of each action, and each sensory input. It lets us know which way to go, move toward something or away from something. This training is what our brains automatically do so that we don’t have to relearn everything every day. Humans are prewired to attach to their parents. The attachment helps with survival. Parents are tasked with the responsibility of providing a safe environment for their children, guiding them to safety, keeping them healthy and helping them develop into independently functioning human beings. But along with the responsibility of raising kids there needs to be a certain amount of trust, training and attachment in order for the child to be guided. Parents need to have influence over their children because without it children would do whatever they wanted to. Parents’ reactions to childrens’ behavior play a massive role in the mapping of the brain’s understanding of the world. For example, when a parent shows disappointment to a child, or when the child perceives the parent as being disappointed in them, the child’s brain maps this as devastational because it feels like rejection. Rejection could mean life or death to a young mammal of any species. This is why our brains are wired for attachment. It is fundamental survival. The protective brain then associates all sensory inputs at that moment with something powerfully negative and marks them with alarms to indicate danger in future similar situations. If the event involves the child saying ‘no’ or resisting, then that action is marked with emotional coding to alarm the nervous system and map out directions to avoid that in the future. This is just one example. There are many ways that positive and negative consequences can influence the notion that saying ‘no’ causes discomfort. That mapping or ‘programming’ served a purpose, especially in childhood, to help keep children from hurting themselves or others. But as children grow into adults, the programming might become outdated. These adults might find themselves agreeing to things that they later feel resentful about. Our needs shift and change throughout our lives. As this happens, the programming needs to be updated. When the programming is at an unconscious level, how can we consciously update it? We must bring it into the consciousness to make this happen. Understanding that the uncomfortable feeling you have when saying no is possibly just old programming trying to protect you can help. Except that the feelings are so negative and it is difficult to work through them. This is where retraining comes in. Think of some types of therapy as retraining those old, outdated neural networks that are contained not only in the brain, but throughout the nervous system. Like any other training, it doesn’t happen overnight and it takes practice. The program needs to be updated. You will feel discomfort in the process because anything that goes against the programming will cause discomfort. It was designed to cause discomfort to keep you operating in a way that returned the least amount of negativity. Things like EMDR or other trauma-focused modalities can facilitate this process by conditioning the protective part of the brain to relax while accessing the and processing the old programming or underlying negative messages. There are ways to begin doing this on your own, too. You can practice saying no in less threatening situations and sit with that discomfort. Go into the discomfort, locate it in your nervous system and observe the cognition that is associated with it. Recognize that it may be relaying outdated and false information. Give consideration to your heart and why you wanted to say no in the first place. Ask yourself if you were trying to cause harm or if you were simply protecting yourself in some way such as your time, or your energy. Over time, that part of you realizes that there is no longer such a strong need to protect the feelings of others. That part of you begins to learn the essential need to protect yourself instead and allow others to do the same. Essentially you are managing your health. By Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS #guilt #sayingno #Boundaries #SettingBoundaries #SelfAssertion #HealthyBoundaries #SelfCare #SelfEmpowerment #SayingNoWithConfidence #LearningToSayNo #RespectingYourself #SelfEsteem #SelfWorth #PersonalGrowth #SelfDevelopment #Empowerment #EmotionalHealth #MentalWellness #BreakingConditioning #OvercomingGuilt #EmotionalResilience #RetrainingTheBrain #TherapyJourney #PersonalGrowth #PositiveChange #EMDRTherapy #TraumaHealing |