 How far do we go for love?
Love is a powerful force that can lead us to do extraordinary things. However, sometimes love can blind us to the things that hurt us the most. For example, people in bad relationships become blind to the toxicity that surrounds them. We wonder why some people stay in unhealthy and harmful relationships. Let's explore the insidious nature of emotional abuse, its impact on victims, and the connection between toxic relationships and attachment theory. Most importantly, let's look at the path towards healing and self-love, to find the true source of genuine love and happiness. Defining Emotional Abuse Emotional abuse is a complex and elusive concept. It involves systematic and persistent demeaning, devaluing, and humiliating behavior from a partner. Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse leaves no visible scars, making it challenging to recognize, not to mention prove in a court of law. It revolves around controlling various aspects of a person's life, including their social life, finances, thoughts, opinions, time, resources, and energy. Emotional abusers use manipulative tactics to gain emotional control over their partners, often becoming jealous of anything that threatens their control, including anything their partner finds interesting. The Tactics of Emotional Abuse Gaslighting is one of the most insidious tactics employed by emotional abusers. They use phrases like "You're too (fill in the blank)," "You misunderstood," or "That never happened" to make their partners doubt their perceptions of reality, and self-worth. Over time, victims of emotional abuse may find themselves unable to set limits, express their needs, make decisions, or even think for themselves. They lose touch with their likes and dislikes. Their concentration and memory diminish. They become emotionally guarded and disconnected. The Development of Negative Schemas Patterns of emotional abuse can lead to the development of negative self-schemas. Victims may begin to believe that they are not worthy, not enough, unwanted, or unlovable. These beliefs become deeply ingrained and can significantly impact a person's self-esteem and mental well-being. This affects almost everything in their lives, because it becomes their fundamental operating system. Attachment Theory and Toxic Relationships Experts in the field of psychology have connected toxic relationship patterns with attachment theory. For example, individuals who experienced inconsistent or abusive caregiving during childhood may develop insecure attachment styles. They may struggle to form healthy emotional connections and maintain appropriate boundaries in their adult relationships. This often leads to them becoming skilled caretakers for others while neglecting their own needs. This only serves to reinforce their critical inner voice, which further perpetuates the cycle of toxic relationships. The Journey to Self-Love Healing from toxic relationships begins with understanding attachment styles and negative schemas. Recognizing and facing the reality of an abusive relationship can be painful and uncomfortable, but it is essential for growth and transformation. Self-love is the key to breaking free from the cycle of toxic patterns. Facing down the ugly and painful schemas is the only way through. It hurts, it feels like the schemas are the truth and it is scary. But this is the only way back to the soul, for the schemas are the obstacle. Rediscovering one's true self, highest self, and wisest self is the reward beyond measure, for this is the sources of genuine love and happiness. Trapped in toxic relationships, people often endure emotional abuse for the sake of love. However, true love begins with self-love. Recognizing and understanding the patterns of emotional abuse and attachment styles can lead individuals towards healing and breaking free from the grip of toxic relationships. The journey to self-love is certainly challenging, but it is the most rewarding and empowering path to rediscovering your worth and finding true love in all its genuine forms. Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness—never settle for anything less. By Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS #ToxicRelationship #AbusiveRelationship #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #DomesticViolence #Survivor #Healing #SelfCare #MentalHealth #RelationshipAdvice #Breakup #HealthyBoundaries #SupportSystem #SelfLove #PersonalGrowth #Strength #YouAreNotAlone #Recovery #LoveYourself #NoMoreAbuse
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 Self-esteem refers to a person's overall sense of their own worth and value. It encompasses how
individuals perceive themselves and how they evaluate their abilities, qualities, and accomplishments. Healthy self-esteem is characterized by a positive self-image and a belief in one's own abilities, while low self-esteem involves negative self-perceptions and self-doubt. Here are some key points about self-esteem: 1. Development: Self-esteem typically develops during childhood and can be influenced by various factors, including family, social interactions, personal achievements, and life experiences. 2. Types of Self-Esteem: Self-esteem can be categorized into two main types: high self-esteem and low self-esteem. High self-esteem is associated with confidence, self-acceptance, and a positive self-image, while low self-esteem is linked to self-doubt, self-criticism, and a negative self- image. 3. Impact on Well-Being: Self-esteem plays a significant role in a person's mental and emotional well-being. Individuals with healthy self-esteem tend to experience less anxiety, depression, and stress. They are also more resilient in the face of setbacks and challenges. 4. Self-Worth: Self-esteem is closely related to self-worth, which is the intrinsic belief that one deserves happiness, success, and love. People with low self-esteem may struggle to feel deserving of these things. 5. External vs. Internal Factors: Self-esteem can be influenced by both external and internal factors. External factors include feedback from others, societal expectations, and cultural norms. Internal factors involve how individuals interpret and internalize these external influences. 6. Building and Maintaining Self-Esteem: Building and maintaining healthy self-esteem is a lifelong process. It often involves self-reflection, self-compassion, setting realistic goals, challenging negative self-talk, and seeking support from friends, family, or professionals when needed. 7. Relationships: Self-esteem can affect the quality of one's relationships. People with low self- esteem may be more likely to engage in unhealthy or codependent relationships, while those with high self-esteem tend to have more positive and fulfilling connections with others. 8. Self-Esteem and Success: Self-esteem can impact a person's ability to pursue and achieve their goals. Individuals with higher self-esteem are more likely to take risks, set ambitious goals, and persist in the face of challenges. It's important to note that self-esteem is not fixed and can change over time. It can be improved and nurtured through self-awareness, self-acceptance, and personal growth. Seeking therapy or counseling can also be beneficial for individuals struggling with low self-esteem, as professionals can provide guidance and support in building a healthier self-image. By Tandy Hale, LCMHC, ART-BC, NCC #SelfEsteem #MentalHealth #Wellbeing #InnerStrength #SelfLove #SelfAcceptance #PositiveMindset #Confidence #SelfCare #EmotionalWellness #BodyPositivity #Mindfulness #MentalHealthMatters #InnerSourceTherapy #SelfImprovement #PositiveThinking #HealthyMind #Resilience #Happiness #YouAreEnough #InnerSourceTherapy  October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time dedicated to shedding light on the pervasive issue of domestic violence and raising awareness about its various forms. Toxic abuse, which encompasses emotional, psychological, and physical abuse within intimate relationships, can indeed be considered a form of domestic violence. It is essential to recognize that domestic violence extends beyond physical harm; it includes tactics of control, manipulation, and intimidation that inflict lasting emotional and psychological trauma on survivors.
During this month and beyond, we would like to take this opportunity to raise awareness in our communities about the wide-ranging effects of domestic violence, including toxic abuse. We can work together to create a safer, more supportive environment for survivors to seek help and healing. Start by recognizing the signs of domestic violence, such as controlling behavior, manipulation, and isolation. We can also offer resources to those in need, such as support groups and hotlines. Additionally, we can help create a culture of intolerance for that behavior as well as acceptance and understanding for survivors. Toxic abuse can leave deep emotional scars that linger long after the toxic relationship has ended. Survivors often find themselves grappling with symptoms that resemble post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which can sometimes be better understood as complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). Let's explore what C-PTSD is, the impact of toxic abuse on survivors, and the healing journey through trauma-focused therapy modalities such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and expressive arts therapy. Understanding C-PTSD Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) is a form of PTSD that results from prolonged exposure to traumatic events, often involving interpersonal relationships and chronic abuse. Unlike classic PTSD, which is typically triggered by a single and notable traumatic incident, C-PTSD arises from a pattern of recurring toxic events over an extended period. Survivors of toxic abuse, including emotional, psychological, or physical abuse, may develop C-PTSD due to the ongoing nature of their suffering. The Impact of Toxic Abuse Toxic abuse can have devastating consequences on a person's mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Survivors often experience a range of symptoms, including:
Healing with Trauma-Focused Therapy Modalities This is why trauma-focused therapy modalities, such as EMDR and expressive arts therapy, offer effective ways to address the underlying schemas and help survivors regain control of their lives.
The journey to healing from C-PTSD and toxic abuse is deeply personal and can be challenging, but it is also incredibly transformative. Here are some steps survivors can take on their path to recovery:
By Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS #HealingJourney #ToxicAbuseRecovery #EMDRTherapy #ExpressiveArtsHealing #TraumaRecovery #InnerStrength #SelfCare #Resilience #MentalHealthMatters #SelfExpression #HealingThroughArt #SelfDiscovery #ReclaimingMyLife #PositiveTransformation #SurvivorStories #SelfEmpowerment #EmotionalHealing #MindBodyHealing #WellnessJourney #InnerHealing #RecoveryIsPossible #OvercomingAdversity #HealingAndHope #StrengthInVulnerability #EmpowermentThroughArt #SelfLove #HealingThePast #ThrivingAfterAbuse #InspirationForRecovery #SelfExpressionHeals #InnerSource |