 Emerging adulthood seems to be a new stage of development. Young people between the ages of 18 and the late 20’s are living at home in increasing numbers. This phenomenon is interesting and disconcerting. “In short, young people are taking longer to start acting like adults. Are they being lazy?” Feldman (2014, p.451).Who knows whether this will be helpful or harmful in their development. It is important that aspiring counselors become familiar with this new trend in order to effectively deal with clients who fall into this category.
It appears that young people who have left their homes, are living independently, and are flourishing. Meanwhile, there are those still living at home who are floundering. Independent young adults who are flourishing have positive attitudes, relationships, and religious beliefs. Those who are floundering tend to be shy, anxious, depressed, and have lower self-worth. They also tend to drink heavily, use other drugs, engage in risky sexual behaviors, and have lower quality relationships. Emerging adulthood is a state in between adolescence and adulthood. It is a time when young people have to think about taking on adult responsibilities, and give up heavy drinking, risky sex, constantly playing video games, and porn. Nelson and Padilla-Walker, (2013), conducted a study based on behavior of young adults living independently, semi-independently, and those still at home. Their study subjects were “481 undergraduate students ages 18-26, 75 percent European-American, 3 percent Afro-American, 12 percent Asian, and 11 percent biracial.” (p. 68). All participants completed a battery of surveys that included subjects such as religious faith, prosocial behaviors, depression, anxiety, etc. Based upon their answers the participants were organized into three groups–well adjusted, externalizers, and poorly adjusted. The well-adjusted group results showed positive attitudes, high self-esteem, spirituality, and avoidance of risky behavior. The externalizers-28 percent, drank heavily, used other drugs, were depressed, anxious, refused to grow up, played video games, and viewed pornography. The poorly adjusted 8 percent, challenged adult authority, drank heavily, used other drugs, were depressed and anxious. Of all of the participants 80 percent of the females were well adjusted, Males made up 83 percent of the externalizers, and 77 percent of the poorly adjusted. The last two figures represent 70 percent of all participants. The study shows a significant difference between genders. This means that while men struggle through this period, females flourish, but run away from the risky behaviors young people like to do. What motivates young people to stay at home? Kins, Beyers, Soenens, and Vansteenkiste (2009), conducted a study to find out. “The participants were 224 Belgian adults (mean age 22 years, ten months) and were 52 percent male and 48 percent female.” (p. 1419). Questionnaires were administered to all participants. Questions addressed living conditions, subjective well-being, motivation, etc. The participants included young adults who stayed at home and semi-autonomous young adults. The semi-autonomous young adults were those who were college students. The results indicated the young adults stayed at home for their own well-being and that the parents allowed it as long as there was harmony in the family. Some of the parents were very controlling and used manipulative measures to keep the youth at home. The study reported that the young adult would leave if she/he thought they were becoming a financial hardship for their parents. If you or your family find yourselves caught up in the dilemma of failure to launch, please call Inner Source Therapy at 252-571-6508. We will happily provide help and guidance for you in your time of need. by Ronald Blanchard, LCMHC, LCAS
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 Emotions are energy. In fact, everything is energy. Energy can be measured in frequency and amplitude, meaning waves. The higher the frequency, the more energy, the higher the amplitude the more energy. One easy way to understand this at an intuitive level is through sound. Think of the harmony or discord of sound. When we hear music, the frequency and wavelengths are in harmony. When we hear noise, especially irritating noise, we are detecting chaos in the sound waves, discord, which is the opposite of harmony. This translates to any form of energy including emotional energy. When you feel sad you likely feel a sense of heaviness. When you feel joy your body feels lighter. If you want to increase your emotional IQ, you need to tune more into your body, and less into your thoughts. Paying attention to the emotional energy in your body and becoming familiar with what it is telling you can change your life. This is the key to healing and connecting with your truest self. Living life at its fullest requires authenticity. When you are connected with your truest self, who you were meant to be, you find resonance with the world around you. People will begin showing up who enhance your energy, support you and coincide with your values. You will find interest and a sense of awe in the things that are meant for you, which will in turn bring you joy. This is the very foundation of harmony. Tuning into your body’s emotional energy is similar to listening to music. We all can understand the difference between a sad melody and an upbeat melody. There are differences in the key, the rhythm, the tempo and timing to name a few. Our bodies have rhythms as well. For example, think of your breathing. When you are filled with fear your breathing may become short staccato breaths, whereas when you are relaxed your breaths will be longer, slower and deeper. Your heart has a rhythm. Your heart beat will increase with certain emotions, or decrease with others. Your sleeping and eating patterns also have a rhythm. The goal is to become finely tuned with your rhythms and acutely aware of what your emotional energy is telling you. When you are in sync with your natural body’s emotional energy, in other words, when there are no blocks to keep you from tuning in, you will be in the optimal state of harmony, which is the optimal state of healing and growth. Our human challenge is to remain in tune with our emotional energy, or our highest self. Our bodies hold great wisdom and we know at a deep level that emotions are our highest guidance system. The blocks to tuning into our emotional energy are the rules of the protective brain that we learn through life experiences. We need to know the difference between emotional energy and ego energy, which is written by the protective brain. One is natural and the other is learned. Throughout our life, since birth, our brain maps out our world. It tells us what is safe and what is dangerous. Sometimes the rules it stores for us become outdated, but still contain false cognitions. The false cognitions say things like, ‘I’m in the way’, or ‘I’m a burden’, or ‘My needs don’t matter’. These were set up to protect us from perceived worse experiences. They are stored in the body as discomfort. We need to pay attention to these discomforts as well if we are to increase our emotional awareness. These are the blocks that keep us from feeling our truest emotions because they also contain the ‘shoulds and shouldn’ts’, which get in the way. Identifying these blocks and breaking them down is the key to healing because once they are gone, we can truly connect with our highest guidance system, our emotional energy. by Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS |