Unlearning Learned Helplessness: A Guide to Reclaiming Power After Trauma

Learned Helplessness 
Learned helplessness is a survival response. It develops when we’ve been in situations, especially over long periods; where our efforts to change or escape were ignored, punished, or simply didn’t work. Over time, we stopped trying. Not because we don’t care or aren’t strong enough, but because we’ve learned, often through pain, that trying doesn’t lead to safety or change.

This response is especially common in people who’ve experienced trauma. If you’ve lived through abuse, neglect, systemic oppression, or chronic stress, it’s not unusual to feel stuck or powerless. You might hear yourself thinking: “What’s the point? Nothing I do matters.” These beliefs don’t come out of nowhere; they are learned in environments where your needs weren’t met, your voice wasn’t heard, or your boundaries weren’t respected. And in those moments, giving up wasn’t a flaw; it was a form of protection. It was a way to survive.

But what helped you survive back then may now be holding you back. Learned helplessness can show up in subtle but painful ways: difficulty setting boundaries, staying in harmful relationships, not asking for help, or struggling to act even when change is possible. It’s a heavy burden, and often it’s accompanied by shame. But here’s the truth: the problem isn’t you, it’s what happened to you. And healing begins with that recognition.

Unlearning Learned Helplessness
Unlearning helplessness takes time, but it’s possible. It starts with noticing where you feel stuck and gently asking: Is it true that I have no choice here? Or is that what I’ve learned to believe? Start small; tiny acts of choice, agency, or self-kindness can be powerful. Even deciding for yourself, setting a small boundary, or asking a safe person for support sends a signal to your nervous system: I have some control now. I’m not powerless anymore.

Reclaiming Your Power After Trauma
​Working with a trauma-informed therapist with modalities such as EMDR can be incredibly helpful in this process. Healing isn’t about forcing change, it’s about restoring a sense of safety and trust, both in yourself and in the world. It’s okay to move slowly. It’s okay to need help. You are not broken, you adapted to impossible circumstances, and now you deserve to thrive beyond them.

Learned helplessness is not a life sentence. It’s a response to pain that you can unlearn, at your own pace, with the right support. Reclaiming your voice, power, and agency is both possible and your right.

Tandy Hale, LCMHC, ATR-BC, NCC

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