 Premarital counseling is a therapy procedure that helps couples prepare for marriage. It is typically offered by therapists, psychologists, or other mental health professionals who specialize in working with couples. However, the primary goal of premarital counseling is to help couples build a strong and healthy foundation for their relationship before they get married. It can cover various topics, including communication, conflict resolution, finances, intimacy, and parenting. For a successful session, you must take the services of reputed professionals. Read this blog further to explore how the sessions have addressed premarital issues. Explore The Ways To Address Premarital Issues In The Counseling The counseling process may involve individual sessions for each partner and joint sessions. The therapist may use various techniques and tools to help the couple better understand each other, identify potential conflict areas, and develop strategies to resolve conflicts. Overall, the counseling is designed to help couples set realistic expectations for their marriage. It further helps to develop the skills and tools for building a strong and lasting relationship and addresses stress management. Let's have a brief look at the process. 1. Explore The Significance Of Your Marriage Commitment Discuss your beliefs about marriage and how it will enhance your lives. Identify behaviors that are unacceptable in your marriage and those you aim to incorporate. Also, talk about how you will safeguard and honor your commitment. 2. Discuss Your Personal And Joint Aspirations And Goals Clearly articulate your strategies for the short and long term. Consider what career, community, and family objectives are important to you. Also, premarital counseling introduces the concept of planning and the sacrifices that will be necessary to achieve them. 3. Talk About Your Expectations For Your Relationship. Examine how you hope to support each other, the level of togetherness, and the comfortable time alone. It also includes the willingness to honor work, recreation, and intimacy agreements. Consider the importance of personal hobbies, friendships, and family time in your daily life. 4. Address Your Ideas Regarding Family Planning And Blending. Determine if you want children, how many, and how to handle any potential challenges in making that a reality. Premarital counseling includes discussions like parenting children from previous relationships and openly sharing child-rearing philosophies, values, and disciplinary measures that are important to you. 5. Discuss Your Perceptions And Expectations Regarding Financial Matters. Develop a system for financial review and accountability, honestly share your money histories, and openly discuss your current financial circumstances. Consider salary differentials, expectations regarding breadwinning, and lifestyle choices as your family grows. Additionally, consider how bills, personal and joint debt, credit, taxes, and savings will be managed. 6. Chat About Your Home Life And Living Arrangements. Talk about your everyday life together, whether you want to live near family or somewhere else, homeownership, and living in particular socio-economic locations. Consider whether you want to recreate the lifestyle you had as children or build an entirely different home life. Additionally, premarital counseling discusses the needs of your aging parents and how they may factor into your life together. 7. Develop A Plan For Resolving Conflict In A Productive Manner. Recognize that disagreements are inevitable and commit to managing them effectively. Discuss how you can handle points of conflict and ineffective communication patterns early on and fight with more tolerance and less resentment. Thus, it can help you identify and manage these areas of conflict. Strengthen Your Bond With Premarital Counseling Today! Getting premarital counseling can be extremely helpful for your relationship from the beginning. It can make you more comfortable seeking help if you encounter difficulties in your marriage in the future. It is a wise and proactive step to strengthen your love. Are you seeking effective therapy for depression and anxiety at a reasonable cost? You can connect with Inner Source Therapy for a one-stop solution for all kinds of therapies that impart clarity and wellness in life. Call us to explore our therapies and effective sessions. By Vicki Howe, LCMHC, LCAS #PremaritalCounseling #MarriagePreparation #RelationshipGoals #HealthyFoundation #CommunicationSkills #ConflictResolution #FinancialPlanning #Intimacy #Parenting #StrongRelationship #StressManagement #TherapyProcess #RelationshipBuilding #RealisticExpectations #MarriageCommitment #LifeGoals #FamilyPlanning #FinancialMatters #ConflictResolution #RelationshipCounseling #PremaritalTherapy #RelationshipGoals #MarriagePreparation #CouplesTherapy
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 Setting SMART goals is the key to achieving greatness. #GoalSetting #SMARTGoals #PersonalGrowth #AchievementUnlocked #PlanForSuccess #CalendarGoals #MotivationMonday Have you ever made a goal only to find yourself discouraged when that goal isn't reached? Too many times I have had people come to me and share feelings of hopelessness because they continue to fail reaching goals they have set. Setting goals without some basic knowledge of effective goal structure and direction can lead to continued failure at reaching goals. How can I develop a goal that is likely to provide effective results you might be wondering. Well, let me share with you a very simple acronym and structure that I use personally and in therapy sessions to support my my clients that has proven to be highly effective. The acronym is SMART which stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable/Achievable, Relevant, and Timely.
Specific When developing a goal, it is important for that goal to be defined in detail without unclear language. What is it you want to accomplish? Take time to identify the 5 W's. Identify who is involved in the goal. Where the goal will take place. Why the goal is being set into place. What the purpose and reason is for the goal. Identify which requirements are to be tied to the goal. Measurable Being able to put a measurement on a goal is essential so you can identify when the goal is accomplished. For example, being able to identify how much and how many of something can set a measurement to identify progress towards the goal. Tracking progress and measuring an outcome can allow for you to take steps in progress of the goal or know if you are getting off track. Attainable/Achievable For a goal to be attainable it is important to question if the goal can realistically be accomplished. How can the goal be accomplished? Making sure the goal is not out of reach is the key to this step. Relevant Consider if the goal is worth your time and effort. Is the goal going to meet your needs? If you have set in place other goals, does this goal work along with those goals? Consider short term and long term plans and if the goal will conflict or work with those plans. Timely Identifying a time limit to goal completion is an additional area to determine. When will you complete this goal? Will it be a day, a month, a year? This step supports urgency if needed and prompts better time management. Many times, it isn't a lack of willpower or determination, but instead a lack of clinical structure to the goal itself leading to inability to reach a goal. Using the SMART goals structure helps set clear objectives without being confusing or vague. It's straightforward and easy to use after a little practice. Sometimes having professional support is helpful to guide through setting goals with this framework the first couple times or when working towards several goals at once. Whether it is a Monday, approaching a New Year, a birthday, or any regular day, setting goals is important to better self and your life around you. Happy goal setting! By Jessica Whittington, LCSW #GoalSetting #SMARTGoals #EffectiveGoals #AchieveSuccess #GoalStructure #MotivationMonday #NewYearNewGoals #GoalDriven #GoalAchievement #SelfImprovement #PersonalGrowth #TherapyGoals #SuccessMindset #PositiveChanges #GoalOriented #SMARTAcronym #GoalStrategies #ProgressNotPerfection #AchieveYourDreams #LifeGoals #TherapySupport #EmpowerYourself #GoalPlanning #MindfulGoals #GoalSettingTips  Why do so many people have difficulty saying no? Sometimes it goes back to our original programming from early development. Where did you learn that saying no would cause someone to feel bad and react negatively? So many people are programmed to associate setting boundaries with negative consequences. Do you ever get that sinking feeling when you have to tell someone the word ‘no’ that you’re going to end up feeling worse? Maybe you try to candy coat it ahead of time, or come up with excuses rather than just saying, ‘No thank you’, or ‘I’m not interested’. Saying the word ‘No’ often involves letting others down, causing disappointment and ultimately feeling bad about yourself for having ‘caused their negative reaction’. This is in quotes because that is the fallacy of it. You having boundaries is not the cause of their negative reaction. Their negative reaction is because they don’t like boundaries.
Saying no can be difficult and uncomfortable. We often feel guilty or obligated to say yes, even when we don’t want to. This is due to years of conditioning and brainwashing that have been ingrained in the neuro pathways and nervous system. We've been taught that saying no is wrong or selfish, so we feel bad when we do it. However, it's important to learn how to say no without feeling bad. Learning how to set boundaries and stand up for ourselves can help us avoid manipulation and guilt-tripping from others. Let’s look at the importance of saying no without feeling bad and explore ways to do it effectively. Our brains map out the world around us at warp speed in the developmental years. It identifies pros and cons of each action, and each sensory input. It lets us know which way to go, move toward something or away from something. This training is what our brains automatically do so that we don’t have to relearn everything every day. Humans are prewired to attach to their parents. The attachment helps with survival. Parents are tasked with the responsibility of providing a safe environment for their children, guiding them to safety, keeping them healthy and helping them develop into independently functioning human beings. But along with the responsibility of raising kids there needs to be a certain amount of trust, training and attachment in order for the child to be guided. Parents need to have influence over their children because without it children would do whatever they wanted to. Parents’ reactions to childrens’ behavior play a massive role in the mapping of the brain’s understanding of the world. For example, when a parent shows disappointment to a child, or when the child perceives the parent as being disappointed in them, the child’s brain maps this as devastational because it feels like rejection. Rejection could mean life or death to a young mammal of any species. This is why our brains are wired for attachment. It is fundamental survival. The protective brain then associates all sensory inputs at that moment with something powerfully negative and marks them with alarms to indicate danger in future similar situations. If the event involves the child saying ‘no’ or resisting, then that action is marked with emotional coding to alarm the nervous system and map out directions to avoid that in the future. This is just one example. There are many ways that positive and negative consequences can influence the notion that saying ‘no’ causes discomfort. That mapping or ‘programming’ served a purpose, especially in childhood, to help keep children from hurting themselves or others. But as children grow into adults, the programming might become outdated. These adults might find themselves agreeing to things that they later feel resentful about. Our needs shift and change throughout our lives. As this happens, the programming needs to be updated. When the programming is at an unconscious level, how can we consciously update it? We must bring it into the consciousness to make this happen. Understanding that the uncomfortable feeling you have when saying no is possibly just old programming trying to protect you can help. Except that the feelings are so negative and it is difficult to work through them. This is where retraining comes in. Think of some types of therapy as retraining those old, outdated neural networks that are contained not only in the brain, but throughout the nervous system. Like any other training, it doesn’t happen overnight and it takes practice. The program needs to be updated. You will feel discomfort in the process because anything that goes against the programming will cause discomfort. It was designed to cause discomfort to keep you operating in a way that returned the least amount of negativity. Things like EMDR or other trauma-focused modalities can facilitate this process by conditioning the protective part of the brain to relax while accessing the and processing the old programming or underlying negative messages. There are ways to begin doing this on your own, too. You can practice saying no in less threatening situations and sit with that discomfort. Go into the discomfort, locate it in your nervous system and observe the cognition that is associated with it. Recognize that it may be relaying outdated and false information. Give consideration to your heart and why you wanted to say no in the first place. Ask yourself if you were trying to cause harm or if you were simply protecting yourself in some way such as your time, or your energy. Over time, that part of you realizes that there is no longer such a strong need to protect the feelings of others. That part of you begins to learn the essential need to protect yourself instead and allow others to do the same. Essentially you are managing your health. By Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS #guilt #sayingno #Boundaries #SettingBoundaries #SelfAssertion #HealthyBoundaries #SelfCare #SelfEmpowerment #SayingNoWithConfidence #LearningToSayNo #RespectingYourself #SelfEsteem #SelfWorth #PersonalGrowth #SelfDevelopment #Empowerment #EmotionalHealth #MentalWellness #BreakingConditioning #OvercomingGuilt #EmotionalResilience #RetrainingTheBrain #TherapyJourney #PersonalGrowth #PositiveChange #EMDRTherapy #TraumaHealing  Facing the Holidays in Recovery
Recovery from substance abuse is a life-changing experience that defines your inner strength and ability to overcome unimaginable strongholds. Use this inner resilience to celebrate the holidays and your new healthy lifestyle without compromising your personal growth by managing your triggers, cravings, and urges with a relapse prevention plan. Managing Triggers Triggers are things we encounter that prompt an unhealthy behavioral response, like the use of substances to cope with reminders of our previous behaviors or traumatic experiences. Certain people or places may pose as triggers for relapse, as well as specific emotions, thoughts, images of drugs, and familiar situations – even smells can trigger a memory and initiate cravings. During the holidays, triggers increase as we typically have added stressors like financial concerns, family conflict, longer work hours, and increased social gatherings. Maintaining abstinence during the holidays may prove more difficult when we experience social isolation or estrangement from family, however, some triggers come disguised as celebrations such as a holiday or birthday. Identifying personal triggers and accepting the responsibility for managing them is a crucial part of recovery. Managing Cravings Drug cravings significantly increase the risk of relapse, may continue to occur many years into recovery, and can last as long as 20 minutes after cravings and urges begin (Product Prototypes to Combat Drug Craving Challenge, 2022). Healthy distractions, yoga, meditation, and social support may help to decrease the relapse potential during intense cravings and urges to use a drug. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle may help decrease relapse potential (healthy diet, regular exercise, sufficient sleep, and proper hydration), as does remaining actively involved with your community and sober friendships. Relapse Prevention Managing triggers, cravings, and urges to effectively prevent relapse requires planning, the ability to proactively avoid risky situations, or utilizing effective coping skills when avoidance is not an option. A relapse prevention plan identifies personal triggers, healthy ways to respond to those triggers, and people to contact if social support becomes necessary. It is sometimes difficult in the face of a trigger to explain to a friend or family member what you need from them, so explain this to them beforehand. If you find it difficult to ask for help, share with them a code word to indicate that you are in a potential relapse situation so that they understand what you need when you contact them for support. In Closing As the holidays quickly approach, take measures to protect the sobriety you worked so hard to achieve! If you find that the holidays or other celebrations pose a relapse trigger for you, create new traditions that promote abstinence and involve recovering friends and family members in these traditions. If you experience a lapse or relapse, know that this is a common occurrence and is considered part of the recovery process (Louie, 2021). Remember that you are not starting over from Day 1; consider it a temporary setback. Examine the events leading up to the relapse episode to identify specific triggers that contributed to the behavior, seek out possible holes in your relapse prevention plan, then apply the new knowledge to be better equipped for future situations. If you need help creating a rock-solid relapse prevention plan, a mental health professional can help. Call our office today to schedule an appointment with one of our licensed clinical addiction specialists. Happy holidays! References Louie, S. (2021, May 11). Relapse Is a Part of Recovery. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/minority-report/202105/relapse-is-part-recovery Product Prototypes to Combat Drug Craving Challenge. (2022, October 19). Retrieved from National Institute on Drug Abuse: https://nida.nih.gov/research/nida-research-programs-activities/nida- challenges-program/product-prototypes-combat-drug-craving By Vicki Howe, LCMHC, LCAS #holidaysinrecovery  We all arrive at turning points in life, places of transition that require us to step into the darkness of the unknown. Within these periods of change, we often become anxious and fearful. Some common major life transitions for adults include becoming a parent, developing a medical illness, retirement, divorce, and becoming an empty-nester, just to name a few. Transitions have a common golden thread – facing an unknown future after building comfort in a routine lifestyle. As intimidating as change may be, it remains inevitable and our approach to these transitions dictates our level of difficulty within the experience. Along the golden thread lies reactions to change like denial of reality, fighting the inevitable, and liberation through embracing change. Denial of Reality Avoiding the reality of a life event and refusing to acknowledge that an adjustment is necessary only serves to prolong the healing process. In raging against the truth of a new reality, we lie to ourselves to justify the avoidance of change. In the words of journalist Nikki Rosen, “No denial of the truth will ever invalidate it (Rosen, 2013).” Fighting the Inevitable Often, we become angry when life forces change upon us. No longer denying the reality of the situation, we focus on the perception of unfairness. During such a reaction, we may appear angry or bitter to those we encounter in daily life, and it may begin to affect our relationships. Anger is a secondary emotion that frequently erupts from a place of fear, helplessness, or shame. Embracing Change  We can embrace change by accepting the losses of the life we once knew and acknowledging the need
to move forward. According to Thomas & Wang (2022), acceptance of the situation allows us a sense of freedom from attempting to control circumstances that we are powerless to change. In the words of C.S. Lewis, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending (Alaili, 2021).” This perspective provides us with a new vantage point, a place in which to witness future possibilities. Life’s transitions can be difficult and traveling the path of change is rarely easy. If you find yourself in a period of change that is difficult to brave alone, a mental health professional can provide the guidance you need for liberation through embracing change. by Vicki Howe, LCMHC, LCAS, 12/1/2022 References Alaili, A. (2021, January 2). You Can’t Go Back & Change the Beginning. Retrieved from Entrepreneur Post: https://www.entrepreneurpost.com/2021/01/02/you-cant-go-back-and-change-the- beginning-but-you-can-start-where-you-are-and-change-the-ending-c-s-lewis/ Rosen, N. (2013). In the Eye of Deception: A True Story. E-book, self-published for Kindle. Thomas, I. S., & Wang, J. (2022). What Makes Us Human: an Artificial Intelligence answers life's biggest questions. Boulder: Sounds True. |