Toxic Positivity
We know this time of year can be challenging, especially navigating family. Let's focus on something we've all encountered at some point: toxic positivity. Being positive is generally not a bad thing; in fact, we encourage it. But what happens when that positivity turns toxic? And how does positivity turn toxic? It is possible to have too much, albeit well-intentioned, misguided optimism.
You know that family member or friend who seems to have a perpetually sunny disposition, radiating positivity like a glitter bomb? Sure, it sounds great in theory, but let's get real! Let's explore why toxic positivity can be a bit like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.
Ever had a rough day and needed a venting session? Toxic positivity might rear its head with a dismissive comment like, "Cheer up! It could be worse!" Thanks, Captain Obvious, but that's not exactly what I needed to hear. It's like telling someone with a sprained ankle, "At least it's not a broken leg." Sure, it's true, but it doesn't make the pain magically disappear. The only thing statements like these do is invalidate your feelings.
Then there's the classic, "Look on the bright side!" While you might appreciate the sentiment, the truth is sometimes life hands you a bag of lemons, and you just want a moment to acknowledge the sourness. Pushing someone to always see the silver lining might inadvertently trivialize their struggles, not to mention contribute to repression and emotional imbalance.
And let's not forget the infamous, "You should be grateful!" Gratitude is great, but implying that someone's feelings are invalid because they're not counting their blessings at that very moment? That's like telling someone drowning in a stormy sea to be grateful for the fresh air.
We all encounter struggles in life. In fact, struggles are a necessary part of life, without which there would be no emotional or spiritual growth. There would be no contrast. Life would get boring very quickly.
In our journey to promote positivity, we often forget the importance of holding space for the messy, complicated emotions that make us human. Life isn't all rainbows and unicorns, and pretending that it is can leave people feeling isolated in their struggles.
The key is finding that delicate balance between encouraging a positive mindset and acknowledging the stormy weather. It's about honoring difficulties, understanding that it's okay not to be okay, and allowing ourselves and others the freedom to experience the full spectrum of emotions.
People who tend to act with an over-the-top positive affect run the risk of disingenuous and superficial connections with others and, in fact, with life itself. They are more likely to be bored and seek quick fixes, with no genuine or long-lasting fulfillment. A deeper connection comes only from authenticity. Nobody's life is perfect.
So, my friends, let's be mindful of our positivity. Let's offer support that doesn't dismiss, validate without judgment, and create a space where people feel heard, even when the world feels like a bit of a dumpster fire.
In the grand dance of life, sometimes we need a slow waltz through the challenges rather than a relentless, upbeat jig. After all, it's in those difficult moments that we discover our resilience and strength. So here's to embracing the messy, acknowledging the tough stuff, and navigating the maze of life with authenticity and compassion. Cheers to a balanced emotional diet and a genuine understanding of the human experience!


By Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS

#ToxicPositivity #PositivityCulture #AuthenticityMatters #EmotionalWellness #Mindfulness #PositivityAwareness #RealTalk #HealthyMindset #BalancedLiving #PositiveVibesOnly #MindfulLiving #EmbraceEmotions #AuthenticPositivity #WellnessWithoutDenial #BreakThePositivityMyth #PositivityCheck #MindfulPositivity #GenuineJoy #EmotionalIntelligence #HealthyMindsetRevolution #EmbraceYourFeelings 

The holiday season is often depicted as a time of joy, love, and togetherness. However, for many, spending time with difficult or challenging people can turn this festive period into a source of stress and anxiety. Whether it's a family member, a friend, or a colleague, dealing with challenging relationships during the holidays can take a toll on your mental health. In Let's explore strategies to cope with difficult people and prioritize your well-being during this special time of the year.


First and foremost, focus on yourself. That's right, put yourself first. Chances are if you're worried about dealing with difficult or toxic people, you spend a lot of time worrying about or caring about others instead of yourself. You might have been conditioned to believe that putting yourself first is 'selfish' when it's actually the opposite. Change the wording to see it from a different perspective, and change the program. Consider focusing on 'self-care' instead of 'prioritizing yourself', because it's known that self-care is important. During the holiday hustle and bustle, it's easy to neglect self-care with all the focus on giving and presents and festivities. However, taking care of your mental health is crucial, especially when dealing with challenging relationships. Find moments of solitude to recharge, engage in activities that bring you joy, and prioritize sleep and nutrition.
Practice Mindfulness. Mindfulness can be a powerful tool for managing stress and navigating challenging interactions. Stay present in the moment, focus on your breath, and let go of the urge to dwell on past grievances or worry about future conflicts. Let go of the urge to worry about others, what they think of you, all the things you need to do, things you said or they said. Do this long enough to return to the present moment and sustain a state of calm for at least 30 seconds. Practice this until you can sustain it for 10 minutes or longer. Mindfulness can help you respond to difficult situations with greater calm and clarity.


Make sure to set realistic expectations. One of the most important ways to navigate the holidays with difficult people is to understand and set realistic expectations. People may not change overnight, and the dynamics of your relationship is not likely to transform miraculously during this season. Accepting the reality of the situation and knowing the habits and behaviors of these difficult people can help you manage your own expectations. Doing this can greatly reduce the emotional impact of difficult interactions.


Establish and maintain healthy boundaries. This is a way to prioritize your mental well-being and focus on yourself. Communicate your limits to those around you, and don't be afraid to say no to activities or situations that you find stressful. Setting boundaries is an essential act of self-care, allowing you to protect your emotional energy and maintain a sense of control over your holiday experience.


Seek support! You don't have to face challenging relationships during these times alone. Reach out to friends, a support group, or a mental health professional who can provide guidance and understanding. Sharing your feelings and experiences with trusted others can be therapeutic and help you gain perspective on the situation.


Choose your battles. Not every disagreement needs to escalate into a full-blown confrontation. Pick your battles wisely and recognize when it's best to let go of minor issues. Prioritize your well-being by avoiding unnecessary conflicts and redirecting your energy toward positive and enjoyable aspects of the holiday season. If someone wants control, attention, or your energy, try not to engage.
Spending the holidays with difficult people can be challenging, but it's essential to prioritize your mental well-being. By setting realistic expectations, establishing boundaries, focusing on self-care, seeking support, practicing mindfulness, and choosing your battles, you can navigate the festive season with greater resilience and maintain a positive mindset. Remember that your well-being is a priority, and you have the power to shape your holiday experience in a way that aligns with your mental health goals.

By Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS

​#HolidayWellbeing #NavigatingChallenges #MentalHealthMatters #SelfCareDuringHolidays #BoundariesForWellness #MindfulHoliday #CopingStrategies #FamilyDynamics #EmotionalResilience #SupportNetwork #PositiveMindset #ChooseYourBattles #HolidayStress #WellnessJourney #MindfulnessInAction #RelationshipBoundaries #CopingWithDifficultPeople #FestiveSelfCare #PrioritizeYourPeace #HealthyMindHappyHolidays #JoyfulMind #HolidaySupport #ResilienceInRelationships #SettingExpectations #SelfLoveDuringHolidays #WellbeingGuide

How to address your fears
Addressing fears involves a combination of self-awareness, understanding, and practical strategies. Here
are some steps you can consider:
 1. Identify and Understand Your Fears: 
 Clearly define what you are afraid of. Understanding the specific nature of your fear is
the first step in addressing it.
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2. Acknowledge Your Fear:
 Accept that it's okay to feel fear. Don't judge yourself for being afraid. Acknowledging
your fear is a crucial step in overcoming it.
3. Explore the Root Cause:
 Try to identify the underlying causes of your fear. Sometimes fears are linked to past
experiences, traumas, or irrational thoughts. Understanding the root cause can help you
address the issue more effectively.
4. Challenge Negative Thoughts:
 Analyze and challenge negative thoughts related to your fear. Ask yourself if these
thoughts are based on facts or assumptions. Often, fears are fueled by irrational
thoughts.
5. Gradual Exposure:
 Gradual exposure to the source of fear can be helpful. Start with small, manageable
steps to face your fear. As you become more comfortable, gradually increase the level of
exposure.
6. Positive Visualization:
 Use positive visualization techniques. Imagine yourself successfully facing and
overcoming your fear. This can help rewire your brain to associate the fear with positive
outcomes.
7. Develop Coping Strategies:
 Create a set of coping strategies for when you encounter your fear. This might include
deep breathing, positive affirmations, or other relaxation techniques.
8. Seek Support:
 Talk to friends, family, or a mental health professional about your fears. Sometimes,
verbalizing your fears can provide a new perspective and emotional support.
9. Educate Yourself:
 Learn more about the object or situation that triggers your fear. Sometimes,
understanding the fear can demystify it and make it more manageable.
10. Mindfulness and Meditation:
 Practices like mindfulness and meditation can help you stay present and manage
anxiety. These techniques encourage focusing on the present moment rather than
worrying about the future.
11. Set Realistic Goals:
 Set small, achievable goals related to overcoming your fear. Celebrate your successes,
no matter how small, to build confidence.
12. Professional Help:
 If your fear significantly impacts your daily life, consider seeking professional help.
Therapists and counselors can provide guidance and support in addressing and
overcoming fears.

Remember that overcoming fears is often a gradual process, and it's okay to progress at your own pace. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work through your fears.

By Tandy Hale, LCMHC, ART-BC, NCC

#FearlessJourney #ConquerYourFears #FearlessLiving #FacingFears #CourageousHeart #BeyondFear #EmbraceTheUnknown #FearlessMindset #OvercomingObstacles #BraveNewYou #EmpowermentQuest #DareToDreamBig #FearlessAdventure #FearNoMore #StrengthOverFear
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How to Deal with Bullies​
Bullying is an unfortunate reality that many people face at some point in their lives. It can happen at school, in the workplace, or even online. Dealing with bullies can be challenging, but it is vital to stand up for ourselves and not let them dominate our lives. Let's discuss effective strategies to deal with bullies and regain control of our own well-being.

1. Recognize and Acknowledge the Bullying:
The first step in dealing with bullies is to identify the situation. It is important to acknowledge that you are being bullied, whether it is physical, verbal, or psychological. By recognizing the problem, you can begin to address it head-on.
2. Stay Calm and Confident:
Bullies often feed off their victims' fear and vulnerability. Don't give them the satisfaction. Remain calm and project confidence, even if you feel scared inside. By doing so, you can minimize the bully's power over you.
3. Seek Support from Trusted Individuals:
Building a network of supportive friends, family, or mentors can greatly help in dealing with bullies. Confide in someone you trust and let them know what you are going through. Their understanding and guidance can provide essential emotional support during these difficult times.
4. Develop Assertiveness and Self-Defense Skills:
Learning to assert yourself and set personal boundaries is crucial in dealing with bullies. Practice assertive communication and stand up for yourself without resorting to aggression. Additionally, consider enrolling in self-defense classes or workshops to improve your physical confidence and ability to protect yourself if needed.
5. Document the Incidents:
Keep a record of all bullying incidents, whether it is through written notes, photos, or screenshots. This documentation can be crucial evidence if you decide to report the bullying to authorities or seek help from higher-ups in your workplace or school.
6. Avoid Isolation:
Bullies often thrive on isolating their victims, making them feel alone and helpless. Counter this by maintaining strong relationships and cultivating friendships with supportive individuals. Surrounding yourself with positive influences will help boost your self-esteem and serve as a deterrent to bullies.
7. Report the Bullying:
In cases of severe or recurring bullying, it is important to report the incidents to the appropriate authorities. Schools, workplaces, and online platforms usually have policies in place to address bullying. By reporting the incidents, you not only protect yourself but also help prevent further bullying of others.
8. Focus on Self-Care:
Dealing with bullies can take an emotional toll, so it is crucial to prioritize self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you relax. Practice mindfulness, exercise regularly, and maintain a balanced diet to support your mental and physical well-being.

Bullies thrive on power and control, but by implementing these strategies, you can reclaim your power and overcome their influence. Remember, it is not your fault that you are being bullied, and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. With the right mindset and support system in place, you can stand tall and conquer the adversity posed by bullies.


by Jessica Whittington, LCSW, CCTP-II

#bullies #dealingwithbullies #toxicpeople #meangirls #bullying #toxicrelationships #toxicfriends #bullyingatschool #howtodealwithbullies

How far do we go for love?
Love is a powerful force that can lead us to do extraordinary things. However, sometimes love can blind us to the things that hurt us the most. For example, people in bad relationships become blind to the toxicity that surrounds them. We wonder why some people stay in unhealthy and harmful relationships. Let's explore the insidious nature of emotional abuse, its impact on victims, and the connection between toxic relationships and attachment theory. Most importantly, let's look at the path towards healing and self-love, to find the true source of genuine love and happiness.

Defining Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is a complex and elusive concept. It involves systematic and persistent demeaning, devaluing, and humiliating behavior from a partner. Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse leaves no visible scars, making it challenging to recognize, not to mention prove in a court of law. It revolves around controlling various aspects of a person's life, including their social life, finances, thoughts, opinions, time, resources, and energy. Emotional abusers use manipulative tactics to gain emotional control over their partners, often becoming jealous of anything that threatens their control, including anything their partner finds interesting.


The Tactics of Emotional Abuse
Gaslighting is one of the most insidious tactics employed by emotional abusers. They use phrases like "You're too (fill in the blank)," "You misunderstood," or "That never happened" to make their partners doubt their perceptions of reality, and self-worth. Over time, victims of emotional abuse may find themselves unable to set limits, express their needs, make decisions, or even think for themselves. They lose touch with their likes and dislikes. Their concentration and memory diminish. They become emotionally guarded and disconnected.


 The Development of Negative Schemas 
Patterns of emotional abuse can lead to the development of negative self-schemas. Victims may begin to believe that they are not worthy, not enough, unwanted, or unlovable. These beliefs become deeply ingrained and can significantly impact a person's self-esteem and mental well-being. This affects almost everything in their lives, because it becomes their fundamental operating system.


Attachment Theory and Toxic Relationships
Experts in the field of psychology have connected toxic relationship patterns with attachment theory. For example, individuals who experienced inconsistent or abusive caregiving during childhood may develop insecure attachment styles. They may struggle to form healthy emotional connections and maintain appropriate boundaries in their adult relationships. This often leads to them becoming skilled caretakers for others while neglecting their own needs. This only serves to reinforce their critical inner voice, which further perpetuates the cycle of toxic relationships.


The Journey to Self-Love
Healing from toxic relationships begins with understanding attachment styles and negative schemas. Recognizing and facing the reality of an abusive relationship can be painful and uncomfortable, but it is essential for growth and transformation. Self-love is the key to breaking free from the cycle of toxic patterns. Facing down the ugly and painful schemas is the only way through. It hurts, it feels like the schemas are the truth and it is scary. But this is the only way back to the soul, for the schemas are the obstacle. Rediscovering one's true self, highest self, and wisest self is the reward beyond measure, for this is the sources of genuine love and happiness.
Trapped in toxic relationships, people often endure emotional abuse for the sake of love. However, true love begins with self-love. Recognizing and understanding the patterns of emotional abuse and attachment styles can lead individuals towards healing and breaking free from the grip of toxic relationships. The journey to self-love is certainly challenging, but it is the most rewarding and empowering path to rediscovering your worth and finding true love in all its genuine forms. Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness—never settle for anything less.

By Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS

#ToxicRelationship #AbusiveRelationship #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #DomesticViolence #Survivor #Healing #SelfCare #MentalHealth #RelationshipAdvice #Breakup #HealthyBoundaries #SupportSystem #SelfLove #PersonalGrowth #Strength #YouAreNotAlone #Recovery #LoveYourself #NoMoreAbuse