Moving is a big adjustment for any family.
For military families, a Permanent Change of Station
(PCS) move can mean leaving behind a home, school, friends, extended family, and a community that a child has grown comfortable with.
While parents may be focused on packing, paperwork, housing, and getting everyone settled, children may be experiencing a very different part of the move.
They may be excited about the new adventure while also feeling sad about what they are leaving behind. They may be curious about their new school but worried about making friends. They may understand why the family is moving but still feel angry about having to leave. These mixed emotions are normal.
Give Children Permission to Feel.
Children do not always have the words to explain how they feel about a move. Their emotions may show up through behavior instead.
A child may become more irritable, quiet, clingy, tearful, or frustrated. They may have trouble sleeping or become more resistant to everyday activities.
Instead of assuming they are simply being difficult, consider asking:
Could this behavior be connected to the move?
Your child may be communicating:
I don’t want to leave my friends.
I’m scared I won’t make new friends.
I don’t know what my new school will be like.
I miss our old house.
Let your child know that these feelings are okay.
You can be excited about the new location and still miss the old one. Children do not have to choose between being excited and being sad.
Help Children Say Goodbye
Goodbyes are an important part of moving.
Children may benefit from having an opportunity to say goodbye to friends, teachers, neighbors,
coaches, or other important people in their lives.
Consider creating a small goodbye ritual together. This could include:
Having a goodbye party
Taking pictures with friends
Exchanging contact information
Making a memory book
Writing letters to friends
Visiting a favorite place one last time
Creating a box of special memories
The goal is to help children understand that their relationships and memories can remain
meaningful even when they are moving somewhere new.
Give Children Some Control
PCS moves involve many decisions that children cannot control.
They may not get to choose when the family moves, where they live, or which school they
attend. Giving children small choices can help them feel more involved.
For example, you might let them choose:
How to decorate their new room
Which belongings they want to unpack first
What family activity to do during the first week
What to bring in the car or on the flight
How they want to stay connected with friends
Small choices can give children a sense of control during a time when many things feel
uncertain.
Be Patient With Making Friends
One of the biggest concerns children may have after a PCS move is making new friends.
Some children may make friends quickly. Others may need more time.
Try not to pressure your child by asking, “Did you make any friends today?”
Instead, ask questions such as:
“What was something interesting about your school today?”
“Who did you sit with at lunch?”
“What was something that felt easy today?”
“Was there anything that felt difficult?”
This gives your child an opportunity to talk without feeling like they have failed if they have not
made a new best friend yet.
Keep Connections With Old Friends
Moving does not have to mean losing old friendships.
When possible, help children maintain connections with important people from their previous
home. Video calls, letters, gaming together, texting, or sharing pictures can help friendships
continue across distance.
At the same time, remind children that making new friends does not mean replacing their old
ones.
There is room for both.
Watch for Signs Your Child May Need Extra Support
Most children experience some adjustment difficulties after a move. However, it is important to
pay attention when changes seem persistent or begin interfering with daily life.
Consider seeking additional support if your child experiences ongoing:
Significant sadness or irritability
Withdrawal from family or activities
Changes in sleep or appetite
Frequent physical complaints
Intense anxiety about school or separation
Difficulty functioning at home or school
Loss of interest in things they normally enjoy
A counselor can provide children with a safe place to express emotions, develop coping skills,
and work through the changes that come with moving.
How Counseling Can Help
A PCS move is more than changing addresses.
For children, it can mean adjusting to a new school, making new friends, leaving familiar
relationships, and learning how to feel comfortable in another community.
Parents cannot remove all of the difficult emotions that come with a move. But they can help
children understand that those emotions are normal and that they do not have to navigate them
alone.
The goal is not to make every move easy.
The goal is to help children feel heard, supported, and connected while they adjust.