 How far do we go for love?
Love is a powerful force that can lead us to do extraordinary things. However, sometimes love can blind us to the things that hurt us the most. For example, people in bad relationships become blind to the toxicity that surrounds them. We wonder why some people stay in unhealthy and harmful relationships. Let's explore the insidious nature of emotional abuse, its impact on victims, and the connection between toxic relationships and attachment theory. Most importantly, let's look at the path towards healing and self-love, to find the true source of genuine love and happiness. Defining Emotional Abuse Emotional abuse is a complex and elusive concept. It involves systematic and persistent demeaning, devaluing, and humiliating behavior from a partner. Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse leaves no visible scars, making it challenging to recognize, not to mention prove in a court of law. It revolves around controlling various aspects of a person's life, including their social life, finances, thoughts, opinions, time, resources, and energy. Emotional abusers use manipulative tactics to gain emotional control over their partners, often becoming jealous of anything that threatens their control, including anything their partner finds interesting. The Tactics of Emotional Abuse Gaslighting is one of the most insidious tactics employed by emotional abusers. They use phrases like "You're too (fill in the blank)," "You misunderstood," or "That never happened" to make their partners doubt their perceptions of reality, and self-worth. Over time, victims of emotional abuse may find themselves unable to set limits, express their needs, make decisions, or even think for themselves. They lose touch with their likes and dislikes. Their concentration and memory diminish. They become emotionally guarded and disconnected. The Development of Negative Schemas Patterns of emotional abuse can lead to the development of negative self-schemas. Victims may begin to believe that they are not worthy, not enough, unwanted, or unlovable. These beliefs become deeply ingrained and can significantly impact a person's self-esteem and mental well-being. This affects almost everything in their lives, because it becomes their fundamental operating system. Attachment Theory and Toxic Relationships Experts in the field of psychology have connected toxic relationship patterns with attachment theory. For example, individuals who experienced inconsistent or abusive caregiving during childhood may develop insecure attachment styles. They may struggle to form healthy emotional connections and maintain appropriate boundaries in their adult relationships. This often leads to them becoming skilled caretakers for others while neglecting their own needs. This only serves to reinforce their critical inner voice, which further perpetuates the cycle of toxic relationships. The Journey to Self-Love Healing from toxic relationships begins with understanding attachment styles and negative schemas. Recognizing and facing the reality of an abusive relationship can be painful and uncomfortable, but it is essential for growth and transformation. Self-love is the key to breaking free from the cycle of toxic patterns. Facing down the ugly and painful schemas is the only way through. It hurts, it feels like the schemas are the truth and it is scary. But this is the only way back to the soul, for the schemas are the obstacle. Rediscovering one's true self, highest self, and wisest self is the reward beyond measure, for this is the sources of genuine love and happiness. Trapped in toxic relationships, people often endure emotional abuse for the sake of love. However, true love begins with self-love. Recognizing and understanding the patterns of emotional abuse and attachment styles can lead individuals towards healing and breaking free from the grip of toxic relationships. The journey to self-love is certainly challenging, but it is the most rewarding and empowering path to rediscovering your worth and finding true love in all its genuine forms. Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness—never settle for anything less. By Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS #ToxicRelationship #AbusiveRelationship #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #DomesticViolence #Survivor #Healing #SelfCare #MentalHealth #RelationshipAdvice #Breakup #HealthyBoundaries #SupportSystem #SelfLove #PersonalGrowth #Strength #YouAreNotAlone #Recovery #LoveYourself #NoMoreAbuse
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 Discover the Power of Meditation Healing and resilience lie within each of us.
We believe in the innate resilience and strength that lies within every individual. Our goal is to unleash these inner strengths and empower our clients to overcome the effects of trauma, specifically Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD). Complex trauma can come from a history of almost imperceptible Violations to your sense of self, usually in the form of emotional and psychological abuse. This includes covert narcissistic abuse and other forms of gaslighting from people along the dark triad. We understand that these events can deeply impact one's life, leading to emotional and psychological distress. To address these challenges, we employ transformative therapeutic approaches, including Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Expressive Arts Therapy, and other trauma-focused modalities. In this blog post, we will explore how these powerful techniques can facilitate healing and pave the way for a brighter future. Understanding Trauma and Its Impact: Trauma can arise from various experiences, such as childhood abuse, accidents, violence, or other distressing events. Both PTSD and cPTSD can manifest as intense emotional reactions, hypervigilance, flashbacks, and disrupted daily functioning. These conditions can be debilitating, preventing individuals from living their lives to the fullest. Unleashing Inner Strengths through EMDR: EMDR is a highly effective and evidence-based therapy that targets traumatic memories and their associated negative emotions. During EMDR sessions, clients follow bilateral eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation while recalling distressing memories. This process helps to desensitize the emotional charge connected to the trauma, allowing for reprocessing and integration of healthier emotions and beliefs. Through EMDR, clients can transform their traumatic experiences into valuable lessons, enabling them to regain control over their lives. Expressive Arts Therapy: Unlocking the Power of Creativity:Expressive Arts Therapy offers a transformative platform for individuals to explore and express their emotions, thoughts, and experiences through various artistic mediums. This approach provides a safe and creative space for clients to externalize their inner turmoil, process their feelings, and gain insights into their trauma. Engaging in activities like drawing, painting, writing, or movement can be profoundly healing, as it facilitates a deeper understanding of one's emotions and encourages self-compassion. Other Trauma-Focused Modalities: In addition to EMDR and Expressive Arts Therapy, we offer a range of trauma-focused modalities tailored to individual needs. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) helps identify and challenge negative thought patterns, while Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) enhances emotional regulation and interpersonal skills. Mindfulness-based techniques aid in grounding and reducing anxiety, and somatic experiencing addresses trauma through the body's sensations. Each of these modalities plays a vital role in transforming trauma into opportunities for growth and healing. Empowering Clients for Long-Term Recovery: We understand that the healing journey is unique for each individual. Our compassionate and experienced therapists provide personalized treatment plans, focusing on long-term recovery and growth. We encourage clients to build resilience, embrace their strengths, and develop healthy coping strategies to navigate life's challenges successfully. Unleashing inner strengths through transformative approaches like EMDR, Expressive Arts Therapy, and other trauma-focused modalities can lead to profound healing and transformation. Start your journey to overcome PTSD and cPTSD, foster empowerment, and facilitate lasting well-being. If you or a loved one is seeking support and healing from trauma, don't hesitate to reach out. By Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS #UnleashingInnerStrengths #TraumaHealing #EMDRTherapy #ExpressiveArtsTherapy #TransformativeApproaches #PTSDTreatment #cPTSDRecovery #MentalHealthTherapy #InnerSourceTherapy #HealingJourney #ResilienceBuilding #Empowerment #TraumaRecovery #PersonalGrowth #WellBeing #Mindfulness #SomaticExperiencing #CognitiveBehavioralTherapy #DialecticalBehaviorTherapy #TraumaTherapy #TherapySupport #MentalHealthSupport #InnerStrengths #HealingFromTrauma #OvercomingChallenges #EmpoweringRecovery #BrighterFuture #TraumaInformedTherapy #MentalHealthAwareness  Meditation is a powerful tool for managing stress and promoting relaxation. Regular meditation practice helps calm the nervous system, reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and improve overall well-being. Maybe the most beneficial aspect of meditation is its power to shift negative emotional energy into cultivating positive emotions.
The nervous system is responsible for regulating the body’s response to stress and controlling the release of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. When the nervous system is overstimulated, it leads to feelings of anxiety, nervousness, and irritability. Meditation helps to calm the nervous system by slowing down the body’s physical and mental responses to stress. "I can never get my mind to stop." We hear this all the time from so many clients. We can't even get our minds to stop because the mind is always active. This takes practice, but there are several different types of meditation techniques that can be used to help with this. It does not always involve shutting off your thoughts. Mindfulness techniques can help to reduce stress and anxiety by encouraging relaxation, focusing on the present moment, and fostering positive emotions. Mindfulness meditation involves paying attention to the present moment and non-judgmentally observing thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. Become the observer instead of a participant. This type of meditation can help to reduce stress by increasing awareness of the mind-body connection and allowing individuals to detach from negative thoughts and emotions. Loving-kindness meditation involves focusing on positive emotions such as love, compassion, and kindness. This type of meditation can be used to shift negative emotional energy by increasing feelings of well-being and promoting positive feelings toward oneself and others. Body scan meditation involves lying down and focusing on each part of the body, one at a time, to release tension and promote relaxation. This type of meditation can help to calm the nervous system by reducing stress in the body and allowing for a deeper level of relaxation. When you engage in mindfulness meditation practices, rather than trying to block out thoughts, you're giving your mind-energy something to focus on other than the habitual process of scanning the past to assess future risks. Meditation can be practiced anywhere, at any time, and requires no special equipment. Begin by setting aside 10-20 minutes each day for meditation practice. Start by focusing on your breath and gradually progress to more advanced techniques. Over time, you may find that meditation becomes an integral part of your daily routine, providing a source of calm and balance in your life. Regular meditation practice can promote relaxation, reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and improve overall well-being. The emotional energy shift you experience with meditation goes far beyond calming the nervous system. Emotional energy is central to your life and even manifestation. Give meditation a try and see the positive impact it can have on your life. By Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS #Meditation #EmotionalEnergy #EmotionalHealing #InnerPeace #EnergyShifting #StressRelief #Calmness #MindBodySpirit #PositiveEnergy  Why do so many people have difficulty saying no? Sometimes it goes back to our original programming from early development. Where did you learn that saying no would cause someone to feel bad and react negatively? So many people are programmed to associate setting boundaries with negative consequences. Do you ever get that sinking feeling when you have to tell someone the word ‘no’ that you’re going to end up feeling worse? Maybe you try to candy coat it ahead of time, or come up with excuses rather than just saying, ‘No thank you’, or ‘I’m not interested’. Saying the word ‘No’ often involves letting others down, causing disappointment and ultimately feeling bad about yourself for having ‘caused their negative reaction’. This is in quotes because that is the fallacy of it. You having boundaries is not the cause of their negative reaction. Their negative reaction is because they don’t like boundaries.
Saying no can be difficult and uncomfortable. We often feel guilty or obligated to say yes, even when we don’t want to. This is due to years of conditioning and brainwashing that have been ingrained in the neuro pathways and nervous system. We've been taught that saying no is wrong or selfish, so we feel bad when we do it. However, it's important to learn how to say no without feeling bad. Learning how to set boundaries and stand up for ourselves can help us avoid manipulation and guilt-tripping from others. Let’s look at the importance of saying no without feeling bad and explore ways to do it effectively. Our brains map out the world around us at warp speed in the developmental years. It identifies pros and cons of each action, and each sensory input. It lets us know which way to go, move toward something or away from something. This training is what our brains automatically do so that we don’t have to relearn everything every day. Humans are prewired to attach to their parents. The attachment helps with survival. Parents are tasked with the responsibility of providing a safe environment for their children, guiding them to safety, keeping them healthy and helping them develop into independently functioning human beings. But along with the responsibility of raising kids there needs to be a certain amount of trust, training and attachment in order for the child to be guided. Parents need to have influence over their children because without it children would do whatever they wanted to. Parents’ reactions to childrens’ behavior play a massive role in the mapping of the brain’s understanding of the world. For example, when a parent shows disappointment to a child, or when the child perceives the parent as being disappointed in them, the child’s brain maps this as devastational because it feels like rejection. Rejection could mean life or death to a young mammal of any species. This is why our brains are wired for attachment. It is fundamental survival. The protective brain then associates all sensory inputs at that moment with something powerfully negative and marks them with alarms to indicate danger in future similar situations. If the event involves the child saying ‘no’ or resisting, then that action is marked with emotional coding to alarm the nervous system and map out directions to avoid that in the future. This is just one example. There are many ways that positive and negative consequences can influence the notion that saying ‘no’ causes discomfort. That mapping or ‘programming’ served a purpose, especially in childhood, to help keep children from hurting themselves or others. But as children grow into adults, the programming might become outdated. These adults might find themselves agreeing to things that they later feel resentful about. Our needs shift and change throughout our lives. As this happens, the programming needs to be updated. When the programming is at an unconscious level, how can we consciously update it? We must bring it into the consciousness to make this happen. Understanding that the uncomfortable feeling you have when saying no is possibly just old programming trying to protect you can help. Except that the feelings are so negative and it is difficult to work through them. This is where retraining comes in. Think of some types of therapy as retraining those old, outdated neural networks that are contained not only in the brain, but throughout the nervous system. Like any other training, it doesn’t happen overnight and it takes practice. The program needs to be updated. You will feel discomfort in the process because anything that goes against the programming will cause discomfort. It was designed to cause discomfort to keep you operating in a way that returned the least amount of negativity. Things like EMDR or other trauma-focused modalities can facilitate this process by conditioning the protective part of the brain to relax while accessing the and processing the old programming or underlying negative messages. There are ways to begin doing this on your own, too. You can practice saying no in less threatening situations and sit with that discomfort. Go into the discomfort, locate it in your nervous system and observe the cognition that is associated with it. Recognize that it may be relaying outdated and false information. Give consideration to your heart and why you wanted to say no in the first place. Ask yourself if you were trying to cause harm or if you were simply protecting yourself in some way such as your time, or your energy. Over time, that part of you realizes that there is no longer such a strong need to protect the feelings of others. That part of you begins to learn the essential need to protect yourself instead and allow others to do the same. Essentially you are managing your health. By Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS #guilt #sayingno #Boundaries #SettingBoundaries #SelfAssertion #HealthyBoundaries #SelfCare #SelfEmpowerment #SayingNoWithConfidence #LearningToSayNo #RespectingYourself #SelfEsteem #SelfWorth #PersonalGrowth #SelfDevelopment #Empowerment #EmotionalHealth #MentalWellness #BreakingConditioning #OvercomingGuilt #EmotionalResilience #RetrainingTheBrain #TherapyJourney #PersonalGrowth #PositiveChange #EMDRTherapy #TraumaHealing  Emotions are energy. In fact, everything is energy. Energy can be measured in frequency and amplitude, meaning waves. The higher the frequency, the more energy, the higher the amplitude the more energy. One easy way to understand this at an intuitive level is through sound. Think of the harmony or discord of sound. When we hear music, the frequency and wavelengths are in harmony. When we hear noise, especially irritating noise, we are detecting chaos in the sound waves, discord, which is the opposite of harmony. This translates to any form of energy including emotional energy. When you feel sad you likely feel a sense of heaviness. When you feel joy your body feels lighter. If you want to increase your emotional IQ, you need to tune more into your body, and less into your thoughts. Paying attention to the emotional energy in your body and becoming familiar with what it is telling you can change your life. This is the key to healing and connecting with your truest self. Living life at its fullest requires authenticity. When you are connected with your truest self, who you were meant to be, you find resonance with the world around you. People will begin showing up who enhance your energy, support you and coincide with your values. You will find interest and a sense of awe in the things that are meant for you, which will in turn bring you joy. This is the very foundation of harmony. Tuning into your body’s emotional energy is similar to listening to music. We all can understand the difference between a sad melody and an upbeat melody. There are differences in the key, the rhythm, the tempo and timing to name a few. Our bodies have rhythms as well. For example, think of your breathing. When you are filled with fear your breathing may become short staccato breaths, whereas when you are relaxed your breaths will be longer, slower and deeper. Your heart has a rhythm. Your heart beat will increase with certain emotions, or decrease with others. Your sleeping and eating patterns also have a rhythm. The goal is to become finely tuned with your rhythms and acutely aware of what your emotional energy is telling you. When you are in sync with your natural body’s emotional energy, in other words, when there are no blocks to keep you from tuning in, you will be in the optimal state of harmony, which is the optimal state of healing and growth. Our human challenge is to remain in tune with our emotional energy, or our highest self. Our bodies hold great wisdom and we know at a deep level that emotions are our highest guidance system. The blocks to tuning into our emotional energy are the rules of the protective brain that we learn through life experiences. We need to know the difference between emotional energy and ego energy, which is written by the protective brain. One is natural and the other is learned. Throughout our life, since birth, our brain maps out our world. It tells us what is safe and what is dangerous. Sometimes the rules it stores for us become outdated, but still contain false cognitions. The false cognitions say things like, ‘I’m in the way’, or ‘I’m a burden’, or ‘My needs don’t matter’. These were set up to protect us from perceived worse experiences. They are stored in the body as discomfort. We need to pay attention to these discomforts as well if we are to increase our emotional awareness. These are the blocks that keep us from feeling our truest emotions because they also contain the ‘shoulds and shouldn’ts’, which get in the way. Identifying these blocks and breaking them down is the key to healing because once they are gone, we can truly connect with our highest guidance system, our emotional energy. by Deborah Ashway, LCMHC, LCAS |